A New Beginning

Where Is Tigerlilly?? has been my blog for 2 years... and without bringing up too much history I will say that I had to start a new way of writing my 'healthy living' adventures. I wanted to keep this site open for everyone , because without these posts you could never truly understand who I am. If you have come across this site by accident, or you have always been a follower, please feel free to read my old posts... find out how I lost 40 lbs and why I had to... and then come on over to The Tigers Pride to read my daily battle against fat, cancer, food addiction and life in general.

This blog is going private.

This blog means the world to me. It is my way to get the words in my head out... I am better at typing then talking. Unfortunately this has caused some problems with some unwelcome readers.

I will be making this blog private. Please email me if you would like to be added to the accepted list of readers!

I will not post again for another week.

You can email me at whereistigerlilly@yahoo.com

Day 4

I am so glad its Friday. Time spent with Hubby. Outings with the girls. 2500 calories extra every day. DOH!!!! I am not going to do that this weekend. I am going to stick to my plan. I am going to keep food to a minimum and activity to the extreme! I will not ruin my week by having a crappy weekend.

I have 2 miles to run this morning. A refreshing pineapple salad for lunch and then off to town to do some shopping. Dinner is a beautiful salmon that I am going to bake.

Plans are still up in the air for the weekend.. but I am hoping for a lot of outdoor time! Fishing maybe?

Day 10,950??

It is actually Day 3 for me but I've been thinking a lot about what I've been doing. My problem with food addiction and binge eating. My constant thrive to work out harder every day. It is all part of who I am. I will NEVER get over my food addiction. It is something I *may* get control over, but I will always have to watch what I eat and how much.

I will never be that skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants and never gain weight. I will never be able to just stop.....well, not until I die anyway. This is my life. This is something I will have to live with the rest of my life.

It seems a little overwhelming to think of doing this for the next 30+ years. I hope that when I get to goal I will be a little more motivated to stay there... but for now I have to concentrate on today.

I have done great so far. I won't deny myself that. I just have to keep going now. They don't say 'Lifestyle Change' for nothing!

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Last nights class was great. We worked on our bow forms. I am very sore on my hips and waist from hitting the bow against them. I had a long drive home afterwards in the pouring rain. It gave me a chance to wind down a little before getting home though. Usually I get home and everyone is in bed asleep and I have to tip toe around until I finally relax enough to lay down.

They announced that our next testing will be in 2 weeks. I will be going for my brown belt... I am a little nervous because there is so much for me to remember at testing time. At least I have these extra classes now!

This morning I have a 2 mile run. I am also supposed to do my shoulders and arms weight lifting but am thinking I will switch it up a little and do a Samurai Sword workout. (aka Forza) Its a killer on the arms, shoulders and back! Hubby has class tonight, so I will hop on the treadmill while he is gone and get in another 1 or 2 miles.

My goal is to get water logged today! I SO need to be drinking more water!!!

Day 2

I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to lose any weight if I don't get serious about how much food I am putting in my mouth. Yesterday went very well. My portions were small and I did not eat unless it was a scheduled meal. I still need to drink more water.. it has been raining a lot lately and I think all this water is keeping me from drinking any! LOL... I know, silly. I have a liter of water in front of me right now and it will be gone by the time I am off the computer!

Workouts were fantastic. I ran 2 miles in the morning and then went off to Tang Soo Do class. It was fantastic because we had class outside in the cool night air. It was humid though and made for a very sweaty class. My master talked to me after class and has given me and invitation to take classes in the neighboring town on Monday and Wednesdays for no extra charge. This is fantastic news. The class over there has 3 women in it... which gives me a chance to fight someone my own sex. It also allows me to train more often... which will also help me burn more calories in the week. The fact that he is not going to charge me more money is fantastic..because I will need that money for gas!

So, today I am focusing on my food. SMALL PORTIONS! I will be going to class again tonight... poor Hubby is stuck with another night of making dinner. I am having company over this morning, so I will try to walk a mile or two after lunch today! I don't want to over do it before class.

Day 1

I have been in a never ending loop for the past 8 months. I lose 5 lbs, I gain 5 lbs, and I have told myself the same thing every time. "Dig deep and just do it". Well, I have lost my *umph*. My get up and go. I have become discouraged.

I KNOW that its possible... I KNOW that I can do it... but my head has taken over every time. I binge eat and it crosses out the hard workouts that I put myself through. It is really a vicious cycle.

Yesterday I did not exercise. Why? Because I ate too many carbs and felt like : "why bother? I'm just going to end up eating MORE later?"

This is not me. This is not the person I want to be. I want to be the strong, athletic type. I could care less if I get down to 145... I would be thrilled with 175. I am a very strong girl, physically. I can lift heavier weights then most women. I don't want to be a body builder, but I do want to have awesome arms! I want to fight in the MMA... I want to be able to run without stopping.

I WANT THIS.... so why do I sabotage myself every time I get close?

There is something in my head that does not want me to succeed. I have tried to figure out what it is.. but I cant think of anything. Am I afraid I might not like what I see? Will I never be good enough?

How did I lose the first 25 lbs? It absolutely amazes me when I think about it. What was I doing different?

Its time to go back in time:

Day 108: 193.5 (December 31, 2007)

YAHOOOOO! That is a total weight loss of 3.5 lbs this week. This brings my total weight loss in 2007 to 21.5 lbs!! Not too shabby. I think I have figured out my portion sizes.. and that seems to be making the big difference! Also, my wogging has become , do I dare say it, FUN. Yes, I am loving my morning woggs and because of this new found joy I wogg every morning. I may not do 3 miles every day, but 1 mile here and there makes my days so much better.

This is the last time I saw a REAL loss... One that did not involve losing the same 5 lbs over and over.

Food has been good. My portions are staying small even though I have gotten over my flu. I really think that is what was making the difference in my weight loss.

This is one of the answers... smaller portions. I have been eating HUGE. I think what I have become used to thinking is 'normal' is really 'supersized'. So.. that is one thing I will start working on again.

The other thing I noticed was that I was running a LOT. 7-10 miles a week. So, back to the treadmill. I need to get in at least 1 mile a day....

Thank God for blogging. I really gained a lot more motivation and knowledge. The best part is, I know that what I read works for me! Because it was me!

So, I am on schedule for a morning run today. Smaller portions and lots of water. I'm ready....

Yesterday Is Done

This weekend was a blast. I got my tattoo.. Angel got her ears pierced and Hubby and I celebrated our anniversary. I couldn't have asked for anything more.....wait! .....I could have been 100 x's better with my food. My breakfast was great. I am hooked on my whey protein, banana and coffee shakes for breakfast... but the rest of the day was horrible. Sonic hamburger and tots for lunch, hot dogs for dinner. Last night I had a midnight snack of Poptarts. WTF????? I NEVER eat midnight snacks... and poptarts??UGH!

So, I had 420 calories in the middle of the night... I AM NOT weighing in this morning!! I am just going to do what I tell everyone else to do.

"Yesterday is done... today is a new day. Lets make it a good day!"

So, I have a run planned for this morning. I honestly do NOT feel like doing it.. but I will grab a banana, pull on my running shoes and get my butt moving. I need to drink gallons of water and keep my hands busy so I don't munch all day long. Cleaning and Knitting... that should do it!!

My Tattoo Fix.....

I got my tattoo... "Tiger"

and Angel got her ears pierced! She didn't even shed a tear....

Its Friday and I don't feel as good about this week as I did about last week. I've had one too many slip ups and not as many workouts to see another 3 pound loss on Monday. I'm hoping to still see a loss though!

I got some great tips for journaling what I eat through out the day. I think the one thing that will work for me is pre-planning my food for the day. If its already on paper then I will be more likely to stick to it. If I start with a blank paper, I may just go out of control! So I will be checking out Sparkpeople every morning to plan out a menu for the day and make sure the calories are on track... then I will write them down on a paper and tape it up somewhere in the kitchen. I'll try it over the weekend and let you know on Monday if it was a success.

I don't have a lot going on today so I am going to take the girls into town. We have been home all week and I think we are all suffering from cabin fever. Its time to go see what the rest of the world is doing! I would love to go walk around the city park but the trail goes right by the jungle gym and swings. Once the girls see swings I will be stuck there for at least an hour before we can keep walking. So I think I will pass on the park.

I have to get a good workout in today. I don't think I will have time tomorrow to go to the gym for my Saturday 'free' day. My appointment for my tattoo is at 1 pm and a good 40 minutes away. I don't want to have to drive into town twice in one day. So.. that means I will do my weights and a run on the treadmill tonight.

Sunday is going to be another day on the golf course... I am really looking forward to it.

I will see y'all on Monday!! Stay focused and make this weekend really count!

Body Image

One of the hardest things for me to deal with is body image. I am constantly asking Hubby if I look better now then I did at 220 lbs. He, of course, looks at me like I'm crazy and goes on to tell me all the changes he sees in me. It is always wonderful to hear it... but why cant I see it? I do see it in my before/after pics.. that's a given... but why cant I see it every day? Have I forgotten what I looked like in the mirror when I was that big? Have I forgotten the way I trembled at the thought of putting on a pair of jeans? How I wore maternity shirts in order to hide the huge muffin top I had.

Its funny though. Because at 220 lbs I thought I looked GOOD! I didn't think I was all that big. I was just a 'little' heavy.

WOW... does my mind like to play tricks on me!! I think I'm skinny when I'm fat and fat when I'm skinny. Good grief, no wonder I have an eating disorder.

How do I fix this.... well.... I'm not sure. What I will continue to do is ask Hubby how good I look all the time. (who doesn't want to hear that everyday?) and continue to focus on being healthy. I am not looking to have the perfect body. So what if I have a bump here and a stretch mark there... I should feel beautiful and comfortable in my body... and a healthy body it will be!

I am going to get a little strict with myself today. I am going to make myself write down everything I eat. I know, I should be doing that already... but I hate the thought of being tied down to a pen and paper every time I eat something. Of course, in my freedom to bite and not write I have come down with a case of selective memory. I only remember what I want to remember. "I had a banana for breakfast (and half of daughters waffle, milk and toast), salad for lunch (with a tortilla and two lollipops) and fish for dinner (with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before bed)"

Yeah... I need to get a little strict with myself!

Today's plan is to run. I didn't do any exercise yesterday and am feeling a little bit lazy , so its time to get sweaty! I also have karate class again tonight since Hubby's back is still not 100%.

Happy Anniversary!

(this was our wedding picture)

Today Hubby and I have been together for 5 years, married for 4 years! I can honestly say that it is the longest I have ever stayed with a man. I know I married the right one because I have no plan on ever leaving him! We work well together and balance each other out. He is the love of my life and I thank God for him everyday.

For my anniversary present Hubby wants to buy my tattoo. I am SO excited. I made an appointment for Saturday afternoon. I will be getting the Chinese character for TIGER on the back of my neck.

Hubby is having some severe lower back pain. I think it is kidney stones, but he is adamant that it is a pulled muscle. He doesn't look very well though. I hope it is a pulled muscle as I know that kidney stones can be extremely painful. I am just hoping that he will be better by Sunday so that we can play another round of golf! He is at work right now, so apparently the pain is bearable right now.

On to food... I have slipped a couple of times in the last two days. Too many carbs. I need to straighten up and get to losing more weight. I have a couple of challenges going on. Dancer-In-Me has challenged me to a race.... who will reach 189 first? I don't have far to go, but my mind and body likes to challenge each other and it makes for a roller coaster of a ride.

Groovybabe has a challenge going on that is also a race... to lose 10% of your body weight.

If I plan on doing well on either of these I better get serious.

Have a great day bloggers!

Guest Writer

Jog Those Blues Away – Jogging Tips for All by Heather Johnson

You’ve got to admit it - jogging is a great way to stay fit; Sometimes, when it’s a question of health, you’re literally running for your life. Jogging helps you jog those blues away in addition to helping you lose weight. There are few precautions you need to take however, to enjoy a safe and injury-free jogging experience. Here are a few pointers for those about to take the first step of that long run every day:

Warm up with some stretching exercises before you start out and cool down once you’re done.

Wear sensible, comfortable footwear that absorbs shock to minimize the damage to your knees.

Start out slowly, with a 20 or 30 minute slow run for a week or so before you ease into a longer stretch.

Comfortable clothes that absorb perspiration make your jogging experience even more enjoyable.

Know your running area well to prevent trip-ups and falls that could cause serious injuries or sprains.

Plan your route so that you don’t end up running randomly.

Run early in the morning or in the evening after the sun has set to prevent sunstrokes.

Stay clear of roads with heavy traffic.

Protect your skin with sunscreen lotions and hats in the summer or petroleum jelly and gloves in the winter.

Drink water around 20 minutes before you begin your run and every 30 minutes into it. Carry your bottle in a pouch designed to be worn comfortably around your waist.

Do not listen to music on headphones while jogging in areas with traffic as it could prove dangerous.

When jogging alone, carry identification information on you that will help in emergencies.

Being regular helps you get used to the feel of your feet pounding the pavement that much sooner.

If you’re too tired to continue, stop and take deep breaths and walk for a while. If you’re not able to do even that, turn around and slowly walk home. You risk injuries when you push your body harder than it’s able to go.

If you’re unable to brave the weather outside to take your daily run, switch to the treadmill instead of skipping your workout altogether.

Jogging is much easier if you’re already fit. If you’re not, make your workout lighter on yourself by eating healthy food, drinking plenty of water and avoiding cigarettes. Before you start any exercise routine, it’s wise to talk to your medical practitioner.

By-line:
This post was contributed by Heather Johnson, who writes on the subject of lpn schools. She invites your feedback at heatherjohnson2323 at gmail dot com.

Weigh Day = Goal 190

Weight this morning 193.

3 pounds away from goal. I'm not going to be negative though. It still means I have lost 3 lbs this week!!! So even though I didn't reach goal, I will celebrate with a bowl of strawberries, blueberries and a spoonful of whip cream!!

Yesterdays golf game was a blast. It was stormy all day, but didn't rain until we were done. It made for the perfect weather! I didn't do great, but I kept up with Hubby. I don't remember the exact numbers, but he beat me by 8 strokes.. so it was close! We are going to play again next weekend to celebrate our anniversary.

I'm not sure I would consider yesterday a 'rest' day. My legs are killing me from all the walking we did. I drank two huge bottles of water and Gatorade.... so I am wandering if my body got a chance to drop all the water it's been holding on to.

I have a month until my next Weigh Day. I'm hoping to be close to 180 by then. If I want to get there I am going to have to really stick to my diet. I don't think it will be easy though. For some reason my body does not dropping into new numbers. It took me FOR-E-VER to get out of the 200's... now it will be the same with the 190's. I have to focus... keep motivated...and just do it. I'm not going to let myself down this summer. I am going to look back and think.. 'wow, I finally did it!'.

I have a run scheduled for this morning. 2 miles.... maybe even 3 again!

I think I will stick to my 1 mile walks after dinner. It really helps me from munching at night.

Weekend Warrior

I have had a great day... so far! Food is on track (even though the Hubby and kids have already had chocolate, Pizza and chips!) I have stuck to my protein shakes, veggies and water!

In a last minute decision I opted to give myself a change and go to the Gym today instead of my regular home workout. I stuck with my scheduled Legs and Back workout, only difference was the chance to use awesome machines! I also hopped on the stationary bike and sat there for 30 min. I could have gone longer but my butte could not. It was falling asleep by the 10th minute.. so finishing at 30 minutes was quite the accomplishment.

I did the superwoman change and hopped into the pool and swam 10 good laps. I would have gone longer except there was a tea party going on in the pool and it was annoying me to no end. Why are you in the lap pool if your just going to stand there and talk?? Really, that's all they did. For the entire 10 minutes I swam, they sat there talking... IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POOL!!! Ugh.

So, then I decided I needed to relax a little and sat in the sauna. The steam was excruciatingly HOT... but every muscle in my body could be heard saying "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh". 10 minutes later I was back in my hot car heading home.

I am now completely exhausted and relaxed. Hmmmmm... if Hubby continues keeping the girls busy I may just take a nap!!

Tomorrow is a rest day... but Hubby and I are off to play 18 holes of Golf in the morning!! YEAH!

Protein Power

It is Friday and I am still going strong. Although I've had some minor food issues, I've stayed on track as far as doing a low carb diet. I have also exercised everyday keeping to my schedule :

Run 1.5 - 3 miles = Monday, Wednesday & Friday
Weights = Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday
Rest day is Sunday

On top of my scheduled workouts I have done a mile after dinner on 3 of those days and a karate class! It feels great to be back on track and going strong!

As far as my food is concerned I have found a perfect schedule for me. In the morning I eat fruit. Usually a banana for energy. I do my workout and then drink one of my favorite whey protein smoothies. Lunch is a tuna fish salad. My snack is a protein bar. Dinner is whatever Hubby is in the mood for... I just make sure to make the portions small and NO BREAD! As long as I am eating or drinking something every 3 hours I am happy.

I have a run scheduled for this morning, which is great because it is a blistery day outside. It is also grocery day and I have to go with the mindset that I will not buy anything that is not healthy, low in calories and low in fat. My cart will look like a miniature rain forest. Lots of greens, fruits and vegetables. I will stay out of the junk isle!

RECIPES

Banana/Coffee Whey Protein Smoothie:

1.5 cups Soy Milk
2 med bananas
1 tblsp decaf instant coffee
1 scoop whey protein powder
ice

Blend and enjoy! (makes 2 servings)

Protein Bar : I usually buy Cliff Bars.. but Mark Salinas posted this recipe on his blog and it is DELICIOUS!!

1 Cup Protein Powder
1 Cup Oatmeal
1 Cup Krispies (I used Puffed Wheat)
3/4 Cup Organic Peanut Butter
1/4 Cup Honey

Mix well and place in pan. Flatten it down and let it set in the refrigerator! YUMMY!!

I'm Only Human....

and the great thing about being human is... you can't be perfect. I ate over my calories yesterday, but not too badly. In fact it was only 200 calories over. It just wasn't a healthy 200 calories. I did, however, feel yucky about it last night. So I hopped on the treadmill after dinner and walked a good mile.

I have to say that I am flattered by all the readers who have said that I inspire them. In truth, it is you that inspires me!! I would have given up long ago if I had not met you. Knowing that I am not the only one in this world that struggles with a food disorder, losing weight and life in general has really made me determined to beat it. For myself, yes, but also to help show everyone else that , although it is like walking through hell sometimes, it is possible to reach your goals! I will say this over and over.... If I Can Do It, You Can Do It!

Speaking of catchy phrases. I heard Tony Horton say this on one of his P90X workouts (I think it was plyometrics): YOU CAN DO ANYTHING FOR 30 SECONDS.

If you keep that phrase in the back of your mind while working out, you will see a tremendous change. When I am struggling in my running and ready to slow it down to a nice easy pace I think: I can do anything for 30 seconds... and I run that 30 seconds as best I can. I have been able to finish a lot of cardio stronger then before because of those little words. Every time I run I get a little farther! Give it a try, see if it helps you!

I have a pretty good workout set up for me today. Shoulders & Arms this morning. Tang Soo Do tonight.

Also, I changed my goal date to July 14th...... I don't want to weigh myself until after a rest day, otherwise my body is heavy with water retention. My rest days allow me to re-hydrate and lose all the water my muscles are holding on to. Lets keep our fingers crossed for 190!!!

Reminders....

I was catching up on my blog reading yesterday and came across Dancer-In-Me. On her blog was a list of reasons why she wanted to lose the weight. Her goal is to read that list 3X a day! Brilliant! A constant reminder of why we are pushing ourselves to be healthy. I had to have one... so I made this and posted it on my refrigerator and cupboards:

My list is in no particular order...

1. To be healthy
2. To be happy
3. To be a good example to the girls
4. To like what I see in the mirror
5. To feel good in my clothes
6. To feel comfortable in public
7. To live longer
8. To enjoy shopping again
9. To look good in a bathing suit
10. To get better at MMA
11. To look good next to Matt
12. To fit into my old jeans
13. To fit into a size 9 (smaller then my old jeans)
14. To look great at Disneyland
15. To have awesome arms
16. To be able to run a 5k (without stopping to walk)
17. To look great in lingerie
18. To be a fun mom
19. To be a trophy wife
20. To reach my goal

It helped me. I walked into the kitchen a couple of times, saw the list (didn't necessarily read it) and walked out. If you are anything like me you know why your doing this, you just have bouts of selective memory every now and then. Well, this list didn't let me be too selective. It was a constant reminder. I read it twice while I was making dinner... and didn't snack, didn't over eat... and I walked a mile after dinner.

I suggest doing this if you are having a hard time staying motivated!!

In an hour I will be back on the treadmill wogging. I have to do 1.75 miles.. but am hoping I get a little more motivated while I'm on there and do 3 miles again!

I have 2 perfect days in my pocket... I am seriously hoping this will be my perfect week!!!

Changes....

I did great yesterday. I stuck to my plan and it worked. I wanted to start this week off with a bang, so I hopped on the treadmill and ran 3 miles. My average was 17 min/mile. I know that is a turtles pace compared to some of you rabbits out there.. but it's a start. The fact that I set a goal and completed it makes me very happy.

Todays workout is chest and back with a 20 min walk on the treadmill after lunch.

I find that I am very motivated after I workout. So I am going to try and use this to help me stop munching in the afternoons.... I am working out later in the morning so that when I have my protein shake it is already 11 a.m. That keeps me full until 1 or 2 in the afternoon when I eat my lunch. I will take a brisk 20 min walk on the treadmill afterwards. I can still have a snack around 4 or 5.... and then dinner is at 6. This worked out really well yesterday. I stayed on track and didn't find myself looking through kitchen cupboards.

I have to remember that food is my problem. I like to eat too much... and that is no way to lose weight. If I quit working out, I would gain weight like crazy. I think the fact that I do workout like a crazy woman is the only reason I am still in this game.

I considered stopping my workouts and focusing on food only. That would kill me. Workouts are my motivation, like I said earlier. If I were to stop working out I would get lazy, and that would lead to boredom which would then lead to boredom eating, which would lead to me gaining all the weight back and falling into the black hole of fat.

I have to workout. Our bodies were meant to move!! I just need to remember that food is what is keeping me from succeeding.

I am going to find terrible pics of myself and tape them to the refrigerator. Like these:

That should keep me from eating!!

Have a good day.. see you tomorrow!

Step by Step

If you look at my blog over the past two years you will find a pattern. Monday morning I am strong willed and head strong, ready to kick myself into shape. Wednesdays I find myself winding down. By Friday I am having trouble with my food and my exercise routines is lacking. The weekends are filled with lazy days and bad food choices... and Monday morning I am guilt ridden and ready to start all over again. Determined that this week will be the perfect week.

This pattern can drive a person crazy... but at the same time, it is this pattern that has kept me somewhat on track.

In my head I feel like I could whip myself into shape in a month. Eat nothing but healthy food, workout 3 hours a day, lose 50 lbs and be the perfect size 9.

In my head that is what I am doing. In real life, I am battling with my food disorder, I am a mother of two very active toddlers who don't give me time to do all the workouts I want to, and I am the perfect size 14. It is sometimes heart breaking when I think back at how long it has taken me to come this far. I am standing at the bottom of a staircase, and it has taken me a year to take the first step up.

So, the second step is looming in the future somewhere. Between here and there is a maze of food choices, workouts, water hazards and life.

Tomorrow is Monday... another fresh start. Depending on my choices, this week could bring me another inch, or another foot, closer to that second step. I would prefer the later of the two.. but then, that would be up to me now... wouldn't it.

Happy 4th of July!!!!

This weekend is the worst weekend to start counting calories.. but it must be done! I am headed to the treadmill right now to run 2 miles. I will only consume 1500 calories today and I will enjoy the day with my family.

(thinking positive is sometimes all the motivation you need!)