TGIF

Another week has flown by. I am failing miserably at losing weight.. and as my friend Becky would say; "Its cuz you eat big honkin' blizzards!". Yes, I got caught going thru the drive thru at Dairy Queen... but I just got a kiddie size blizzard... and I didn't even finish it! Becky, who was sitting inside the restaurant called me on my cell phone as I was pulling away and bitched me out! Scared the heck out of me... but I had a good laugh about it. Guess there is no more sneaking around to eat sweets now that this small town seems to know my blog!! LOL Talk about great support!!

So I am seriously thinking of joining Weight Watchers. The only problem is the one meeting here in town is on Thursday nights.. and I am usually scheduled to work Thursday nights. The neighboring town has one on Tuesday nights... and I guess you can go back and forth between them right??? I fight myself about it because I am so cheap and don't want to spend the money... I know I could do it without joining.. but how well has THAT worked so far? LOL

Tomorrow night hubby is taking me out on a date to celebrate my birthday. I am excited to have some 'us' time. He is planning on starting flying lessons pretty soon.. which I think is great.. but I'm not really sure what he plans on doing when he gets the flying licence. Its not like we can afford a plane.. let alone the gas! LOL

OK.. so I am off to see what all the screaming is about! Have a blessed weekend and we'll see you on Monday!

Happy Birthday To Meeeee

So today is my birthday. I am officially 29 years old. What better a day to get back on track. Last night I did my soul searching... this morning I woke up and started drinking water. I got a new scale that shows fat % and hydration levels... so I am back to weighing myself once a week. My starting point:

WEIGHT = 211 lbs
FAT % = 40
HYDRATION % = 40.5


So I am starting over... but that is ok. Because this time, I'm going to do it right from the start!!

My plan for today. Work out this morning, eat healthy (lots of veggies and fruit), drink tons of water, take a nap with the girls this afternoon, go to work. Rinse and repeat until next Wednesday... then we'll see if I'm on the right track!

Motivation? Disneyland in two weeks.... Wedding on June 2.... Anniversary on July 16.... Hubby's birthday August 3.... I'd say I have plenty to look forward to!!

Have a Blessed Day

Tuesday

Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments. I feel very much loved! I've had an amazing couple of weeks.... loving my new job... having a wonderful time with my hubby... celebrating my birthday.... all of it making me very happy. Maybe a little too happy because I have managed to forget about myself. I weighed myself yesterday and I am back up to 210. Hmmmm, not where I wanted to be for my birthday. Although I am upset at myself for letting it go back up... I am not depressed about it. In fact my self esteem is really high. Maybe because of my new found youth with my haircut, or maybe because I feel like I am really helping out with the finances and finally pulling my weight around here. (hehehehehe... ) Whatever it is, it has managed to cloud my mind and make me forget about how fat I am. Because I am working nights my energy level has dropped considerably. When I have time to do something other then cleaning the house, working and taking care of the kids.. all I want to do is catch up on sleep. So my exercise routine is kaput. As I type this I can hear my hubby huffing and puffing while lifting waits... it makes me feel so guilty that I am not holding my part of the bargain up. The part that says...I will lose weight to be healthy and live a long life with my hubby. Why does it have to be so hard to NOT eat food. To NOT stuff a cookie in my mouth when I am passing by the kitchen. To NOT eat that second helping of lasagna. To NOT eat that leftover piece of chocolate that the girls don't want. Why is it so hard to drink WATER all day. To go for a walk instead of sitting on the couch. To eat smaller portions on every meal. It's time for me to re-evaluate what I am doing. To sit down and put all the pieces back together in my mind. No more excuses.... no more excuses! Its time to get serious about this. I know that the majority of the work needs to be done in my head. So be prepared to learn a little bit more about me then you may be willing to read!

A PICTURE OF THE FOUR REASONS I NEED TO SUCCEED




I know that there where a couple of things that started me on this downfall. The first was the dread of returning to my gynecologist for my yearly exam. Thank God... everything came back fine. I know that the stress of not knowing whether I would be returning to the hospital for another tumor, cyst, cancer... made me want to eat everything I could put my hands on.

The second was the idea that I was no longer a stay home mom. I was feeling guilt for leaving my girls at night to go to work. That may sound silly to most, but one of my favorite things to do is to put my girls to bed.. and then waking up to them climbing into bed with me in the morning. My hubby called me one night and told me that our youngest had woken up in the middle of the night and was actually walking the dark house looking for me. It broke my heart. I am getting used to it, and the fact that in two weeks I will only be working two nights a week helps alot. I just have to make it a little longer.... and until then I will give my girls extra kisses every night, and cuddle a little longer every morning.

Now that I have come to terms with one... and I have a year until the next Dr. appointment... I am ready to continue with my journey.

Thanks again to all my BlogWorld friends... you guys are awesome.. and I would never be able to get through this battle without you.

Have a Blessed Day... Night... Week...

Monday

Yes!!! I cut my hair... and I'm loving it. No more knots, no more frizz.. no more ponytails!! The best thing is that everyone says I look younger... and seeing that I am fast approaching my 29th birthday, that is a VERY good thing.

As for my diet, well, it sucks. I have been trying to eat healthy, but I have no time or energy to exercise. Today I am going to try and get a good workout in and see how I do tonight at work. Who knows, it might give me more energy!!

I'm sorry this is such a short post, but I don't have the time right now. Will be back tomorrow!

God Bless... and have a wonderful day!

Samurai

Good Morning. After two nights of sleep I finally have some energy back... only to go back to work tonight and tomorrow night! LOL. Hubby asked me yesterday if it was worth it... I told him it will be when we get our house added on to and the bills paid off!! I am just trying to find my rhythm right now. I'm sure I will figure it out soon!

This morning I am planting grass in our front yard. the weather is beautiful and the wind has finally quit blowing! It sounded like a hurricane last night. This afternoon I am hoping my mama will be coming by to watch the girls for me so I can get in a good nap before heading into work.

I am drinking tons of water. I noticed that at the end of shift I was getting leg cramps.. not enough water... which is probably why I feel so terrible the next day too. I am minimizing what I eat during the day, because I need the food and energy during the nights I work. I am taking advice and making my lunch/dinner and snacks at home and taking them with me to work. Mostly it is made up of fruit and veggies. Might as well catch up on my healthy eating at night!! LOL

Today is devotional Thursday... and I think it is perfect for me right now... hopefully it talks to a couple of you as well.

Samurai

There is none like God, O Jeshurun, who rides through the heavens to your help, majestic through the skies. -Deuteronomy 33:26

Medieval Japanese text speak of kyuba no michi ("the way of horse and bow"), a description of the life of a samurai warrior. These men, to whom family honor was ultimately important, managed feudal lands; but their major occupations were war and training for war.

Whether with a bow and arrow, a musket, or an Uzi, to spend life preparing for battle is the world's way, not God's. "He subdues the ancient gods, shatters the forces of old; he drove out the enemy before you... Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph! Your enemies shall come fawning to you, and you shall tread on their backs."

For me to go to war with my nibbling habit wouldn't be the way of the Lord, either. I don't need to fight - in fact, the harder I battle, the more likely I am to fail. Only when I admit to my helplessness and my dependence on God can I be victorious. No samurai needed here; God is the warrior.

For Further Reflection

1. Do you think you have to fight the food battle alone?
2. Are you allowing God to work in all your life?
3. Do you think your nibbling is too small a problem to take to God?

Prayer

To the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power, and victory. Amen

Hump Day

Hi ya'll. I'm sorry its been so long since I've blogged. Mostly its just been killing me trying to get used to a new routine. I worked Monday night which means that yesterday was a blur of cat naps and the kids. I slept great last night, and today I have nothing to do but clean. ugh. Tomorrow my aunt and uncle are flying in from Texas.. which means I am getting my hair chopped off this weekend (YEAH). I work tomorrow night AND Friday night... so I'm not sure when I'll get the chance to hang out with them. My hubby is taking my uncle fly fishing both Friday and Saturday. He is so excited to go that he has been out in the driveway practicing his cast every night when he gets home. Saturday they are all coming over to celebrate my 29th birthday. It really isn't until the 25th, but since they will be here they thought it would be fun. I cant believe I am going to be 29.

My diet has gone down the tubes... as has working out. When I work at night, I don't work out that day so that I don't use up all my energy. I also eat all day, then all that night at work, then all the next day too. What a piggy! I totally have to find a way to work that out. Then I don't even workout the next day because I am too tired. grrrr. I have today to get my diet back on track, and to get in a really good workout. One of the nurses went in to a Weight Watchers meeting yesterday and called to invite me, but alas, I was sleeping. I don't know that we can afford it just yet. Maybe next month I can try it out.

Speaking of work... I am loving it. Someone asked me to tell more about what I do. Well, I am in charge of filling out the paperwork in the delivery room while the delivery is taking place. I help where I can but try to stay out of the way. After the birth, I help the mother by getting her cleaned up and moved into her new room. I get to give the babies there first bath and then teach the mothers all about changing diapers, cleaning the umbilical cord.. all the great stuff that a new mommy needs to know. I take vital signs through out the night and help where I can. I make sure that the delivery rooms are stocked with everything ... and take care of alot of the odd and end stuff around the department. When all that is done I am in the nursery, where I get to comfort the babies while their Mommy's try and get some sleep. It is definitely a dream job for me. Hubby asked me last night if it was hard for me seeing all those newborn babies knowing that I cant have anymore. Although babies are precious, I love the two I have and don't really want anymore of our own. I am just happy to help the woman who get to experience motherhood again, or for the first time. It is such a joyous occasion that I am very happy to be a part in. My time for newborn babies have come and gone... now I get to enjoy everything else!!

Well.. I am off to get this house back in order... take a long bike ride with the girls... eat lots of fruit and veggies... and find myself again!

Have a Blessed Day!

First Day of Work

So I managed to survive my first night of work. 12 hours of Labor and Delivery. The night started out fine. The first delivery was at 10:30 p.m. It was amazing. I am glad I took this job. It reminds me of Gods 'little' miracles. My favorite part of the job is when the early morning hours roll around and all the moms are sleeping and all the babies are in the nursery. Part of my job is to comfort the babies should they become fussy. So at 3 a.m I was rocking away with two day old twins. It was a great baby fix. My second wind hit me and I made it to 6 in the morning when I could make the chilly walk back to my car and head home to my girls and hubby (who gave me a quick kiss and was out the door to his job). I managed to sit on the couch and relax a bit until 10 a.m. when both girls laid down next to me and we all took a much needed nap. We all woke up and had lunch and then I made my way to the laundry room where loads of laundry were waiting. This is the part where I need to remember that just because I am a working mom, it does not mean I can slack on everything that needs to be done at home... my biggest challenge is to make sure I do it with a smile. It wouldn't be fair for anyone if I came home and was grumpy all day... especially the girls.

So now hubby is home.. dinner has been eaten.. the girls are in bed... and I am ready to pass out! That being said....

Goodnight!

Saying YES to Change

Its a beautiful day... except for the darn wind. I took a step outside and felt like my clothes where going to fly off. LOL. Thank goodness we don't have neighbors on that side of the house , or they would have gotten an eye full!! So this puts a damper on my plan to take my girls to the park and ride the trail. My oldest was sick yesterday, which was why there was no blogging yesterday. She is better today... I think.... but I still don't want her out in this weather.

Tonight is my first night of work. I am super excited ... but also a little nervous. First day jitters, I think! I need HELP though.... since I am working nights I am not sure if I should be eating anything or not. You have to understand, I will be eating my regular meals all day today, then going to work until 6 a.m. tomorrow morning. My idea is to take a big bottle of water and some fruit for snacking on. That way I am not adding a bunch of calories on. Tell me what you think!

As for diet and workout... I am doing fair. Not fantastic, just fair. I keep kicking myself in the butt at the end of the day saying "why did you do that?". I get so close to having a perfect day.. and then that little voice in my head says "there are cookies in the cabinet!". The only good thing I can say about it is that I have been really good about only having two... and not eating the entire package! So I guess that IS improvement. So this is why I chose THIS devotional for today... enjoy!


Saying YES To Change

I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? -Isaiah 43:19

A Spanish proverb says, "Manana is the busiest day of the week." When it comes to nibbling, I admit I often resolve to cut back on snacks tomorrow, after I've already blow it for today. As long as the plan starts tomorrow I can shave off another sliver of leftover birthday cake or filch a few extra cashews. It's afterwards that I quickly adopt a get tough attitude, commanding myself to change manana.

But by noon the next day my resolve dissolves. I finish off the kids' oatmeal, lick the peanut butter knife when I make their lunches, and pour cream instead of milk into my coffee. I feel defeated because I nibbled, so I begin to rationalize: Today's a total loss. I'll try again, tomorrow.

Falling into the trap of procrastination is easy. And climbing out is hard--unless God lends me a hand. As I reach to God, I want to remember that my overeating can stop anytime I want--whether or not I've already blown it for today. Each time I refuse to nibble, I'm getting a jump start on tomorrow.

For Further Reflection

1. If you nibble today do you really have to wait until tomorrow to start over?
2. Are you ready for a change?
3. Will you let God help you start today?

Prayer

God, help me say YES to change. Amen

Tuesday

Yesterday started as a pretty good day. I cleaned out my closet and re-organized all the clothes into the new dresser. Now my closet is soooo much nicer. I can actually walk in to my walk-in closet!! Yeah!! The bedroom is still a disaster, but I am going to try and get that cleaned up today... along with the rest of the house that was ignored yesterday.

I was supposed to workout yesterday, but when the afternoon rolled around I got a sudden wave of nausea. It was terrible. I even went to bed at 7 because I just couldn't deal with the girls and hubby sent me to bed. I woke up this morning feeling fine. Huh.. must of been something I ate. Anyway, so today I am feeling good. I have already had 2 glasses of water and am on my first mug of tea. I say mug because I don't drink out of dainty tea cups.. nooooo... I drink out of giant soup mugs. I think it comes out to 3 cups of tea in one soup mug! LOL I am hoping to get in my workout this morning. I am on the second week of the LL Cool J 'Diamond' workout. It is such a great weight training workout for women. I actually sweat while I'm lifting, which I have never done before... so it totally gets your heart rate up! If you are serious about lifting weights, I totally recommend the book!

My mom, grandmother and aunt are flying to California today to go to my uncles memorial service. I go into work tonight to get my first schedule for the week! YEAH.. and then I have to go by moms and take care of her dogs. Its a busy day.. so I better get started. I'm hoping the wind will die down so I can take the girls for a bike ride.. I need the cardio!!

OH!! And in an amazing turn of events... MY DAUGHTER IS POTTY TRAINED!!! I cried.. I know that sounds silly, but she is no longer a baby... it breaks my heart, but I'm also excited to see her grow up! *sigh*
Have a Blessed Day!~

Monday Morning

Yes, I did it. I fell for the temptation of Easter chocolate.How can you not when your surrounded by it! My girls had Easter eggs filled with the stuff.. chocolate bunnies laid half eaten... I just couldn't let it go to waste. HA! Oh well.. another holiday that thankfully only comes once a year!!!

Saturday I had an awesome day of painting an antique I found at a garage sale for $20 bucks!! It is a little worn.. but hey.. it works... and I think it is beautiful now that it is no longer black, green and gold. It will hold the girls clothes beautifully!!

Sunday was of course Easter and the girls and I went to church and then on to my moms house where they got to do their egg hunt. It was a blast. I became the Easter bunny somewhere along the line! Then we went down the street to my grandmothers house where we where fed tons of ham, potato salad, rolls, tomato aspect and apple pie.... by the time we got home we where all in a food coma.

Today is Day 1 for me again. Going to have to watch what I put in my mouth (make sure it doesn't have ears on it) and drink tons of water to catch up to yesterdays lack of! I might have to work tonight, so I will have to fit a nap in with the girls.

Hope everyone had a great weekend... and today will be a great start to a good week!

TGIF

Hi Ya'll. Sorry I missed posting yesterday.. but it was a busy day starting at 5 in the morning. I had to get the girls bathed, dressed and out the door early so that I could drop them off at my moms house. I had to go to the hospital and do new hire paperwork. I am now employed! Yeah. I still don't know when my first night will be. My new boss was out of town yesterday, but should be calling me today to give me my schedule.

Anyway, the girls had a great time at my moms house. They love their Nana. They played outside, painting and running. Then we all headed over to my Grandmothers house for lunch. She made my famous Corned Beef.. and it was delicious.

Last night was UFC fights and the first show of The Ultimate Fighter 5. The fights were awesome to watch. Liddel vs Ortiz. I was going for Tito Ortiz.. but he was knocked out in the second round. Liddel is AWESOME.. and he is almost 40 years old! Kinda reminds me that I still have a long way to go before I am 'too old' to get out there and do something wild! The UF 5 had a good start. Hubby was shocked that some of the guys weighed exactly what he does and they were CUT! I think he is realizing that its not the weight he needs to worry about putting on, but just building and sculpting what he already has. He is looking amazing to me already, but he is so determined to look like LL Cool J!

Because of this new found inspiration in my husband, he is now going to go food shopping with me this weekend and we are going to figure out what we need to be eating. I don't know how well he is going to handle the grocery store... or how well I am going to be able to handle him intruding on 'my' job. But it might be nice to do something together. We'll see!

Today I have to go to court and take care of my Dog at Large ticket! I am also going to lay some tile on our front porch... I picked up a bunch of big floor tiles from the tile store that have been discontinued and they were going to throw them out.. they are all mismatched, but I think it looks pretty cool. I will take a picture when I'm done!!

Have a Blessed Day!

Day 1 of 21

I'M BACK! Yes.. my determination woke up with me this morning. So I have my giant glass of water sitting in front of me, and I have planned a full day of workouts/bike riding/gardening that will keep me busy and out of the house... which means far away from the kitchen! LOL Thanks to Karin who reminded me of the magic words... "you can do all things thru Christ who strengthens you." AMEN!! I need to remember to ask HIM for strength when I am growing weak and making my way to the kitchen. Thanks Karin!!

Ok, so on to other things. I have decided to chop off my hair! YEAH!!! I have been growing my hair for 4 years now.. and it is long.. and I like long hair.. but I am so tired of it. I don't do anything with it but pull it back into a pony tail.. or let it hang down stringy and in disarray. So, my aunt, who is a great hair stylist, is coming to visit in two weeks. I called her yesterday and made sure she was bringing her scissors with her. I want it a little above my shoulders.. so the curl will come back to life... and it wont be such a pain to straighten it if I want to. Yeah. I 'm so excited.

Well, I am off to get my day started. The weather is beautiful.. so I'm going to get the girls dressed and we are outta here!!!

Have a Blessed Day!

Jail, Jury and Just about everything in the kitchen.

So my gung-ho attitude has faded a little bit. Ok, so its GONE. It slowly started whithering away this morning when I passed up my regular water and tea and went for the fried egg/cheese/biscuit breakfast. Then I had to run to the store to pick up some milk, eggs and bananas.. and ended up buying some low fat Slow Churned Ice Cream... damn them, why did they have to make strawberry cheesecake ice cream??? Went home, took the girls outside and sat down in the sun and finished an entire gallon... yes, and entire gallon... granted it was over a 4 hour period.. and the girls did take a COUPLE of bites.. but none the less.. 1400 calories in one sitting. UGH Then I got a call from the town animal control. My dog had gone missing on Saturday.. I didn't tell anyone because I was in denial that anything had happened to him.. and thankfully nothing had. They picked him up 20 miles from our house.. my husband thinks that someone saw him and picked him up thinking they could make a quick buck selling a pure bred Basset Hound... but little did they know that we had him fixed the second those two little suckers fell! HA jokes on them... anyways, hubbys thinks they tossed him back out on the street once they realized they weren't going to make any money. AC called me and asked me what he looked like.. I was so excited, I had honestly given up on the idea of him coming back home. So I pushed the girls into the truck and ran into town to the local animal shelter. There he was, looking as pathetic as ever... but not hurt.. and very happy to see us!! I got a citation for 'dog at large' that I have to go to court for.. but its not a big deal and as long as I show that he has all his shots, they will dismiss the ticket.
!!!
So, everyone came home. Woodroe got a bath to wash off that 'shelter' smell that they always have in there.. and he crawled into his bed and hasn't moved since. I think he spent his nights in doggy jail doing the hound thing....hooowwwwwwwling!
I continued to snack on everything in site.. and made dinner. Cleaned the kitchen and realized that I had not written anything in my blog today... so sat down and realized that I was supposed to go to Jury duty tomorrow but lost the paper with all the info on it. Luckily the Internet has EVERYTHING and I was able to find the 800 number and called. It has been cancelled... so I don't have to worry about it.. not that I was going to go... 1)I don't have gas money to drive two hours to another town just to drag my children in there and tell them that I cant do jury duty.

OK... so the plan.... finish this up, drink a big glass of water (the first for the day) , go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and a chance to start over the right way. I have a workout scheduled for tomorrow.. so I will look forward to that. If the weather is nice again I will load the girls up in the trailer and take them for a bike ride. The trick is not to let myself get down about it. The worst thing that I can do from here is... nothing. I have to get back on the wagon... or at least start pushing it.

Have a blessed day... ummmm.. night.

Unexpected Inspiration

Have you ever come across something that inspired you to do your best. Has it ever been something your would have never dreamed would do that? This weekend was shaky for me. I ate too much, no exorcise at all... and no water but plenty of soda. Ugh.. what was I thinking? I went to church yesterday morning and came home planning on just cleaning out closets... but when I got home hubby was sitting on the couch and I seemed to be magnetically pulled towards him. He was watching "The Ultimate Fighter". A reality show that has two teams of fighters competing for a MILLION dollar contract with the UFC. At first I rolled my eyes and thought.. 'well, just for a minute and then I'll get up and clean'. One minute turned into one hour...one hour into a whole afternoon AND evening of watching the Season 3 rerun marathon. It was awesome!! I was getting into it.. picking favorites and shouting.. "KICK HIM, PUNCH HIM.. .NO DON'T ROLL OVER!!!KNEE KNEE KNEE!!!" It was hilarious. Especially when hubby was going for the 'other' guy. Before each match though, they showed them training... and for some reason I just wanted to get up and do the workouts with them. I wanted to look like them... well.. to a point. Mostly I just want the abs!

One guy, Josh Haynes, had lost 125 pounds to get down to his fighting weight of 205. I don't know.. but something just kinda clicked in me.. and this morning I am training myself harder. Not so much to be a UFC champion fighter...although that would be soooo coool.. but to get myself into the best shape ever. Because my next fight may not be in the octagon cage.. but you never know what, where or when it will be. Whether it will be with cancer again, or fighting for the life of one of my girls. I want to be ready to kick some butt.. and the only way to do that is to get serious about it. I have 24 days to see a change this month... and you can bet there WILL be a change.

Have a Blessed Day... and start preparing your body for whatever YOUR next fight may be.