Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Tuesday

Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments. I feel very much loved! I've had an amazing couple of weeks.... loving my new job... having a wonderful time with my hubby... celebrating my birthday.... all of it making me very happy. Maybe a little too happy because I have managed to forget about myself. I weighed myself yesterday and I am back up to 210. Hmmmm, not where I wanted to be for my birthday. Although I am upset at myself for letting it go back up... I am not depressed about it. In fact my self esteem is really high. Maybe because of my new found youth with my haircut, or maybe because I feel like I am really helping out with the finances and finally pulling my weight around here. (hehehehehe... ) Whatever it is, it has managed to cloud my mind and make me forget about how fat I am. Because I am working nights my energy level has dropped considerably. When I have time to do something other then cleaning the house, working and taking care of the kids.. all I want to do is catch up on sleep. So my exercise routine is kaput. As I type this I can hear my hubby huffing and puffing while lifting waits... it makes me feel so guilty that I am not holding my part of the bargain up. The part that says...I will lose weight to be healthy and live a long life with my hubby. Why does it have to be so hard to NOT eat food. To NOT stuff a cookie in my mouth when I am passing by the kitchen. To NOT eat that second helping of lasagna. To NOT eat that leftover piece of chocolate that the girls don't want. Why is it so hard to drink WATER all day. To go for a walk instead of sitting on the couch. To eat smaller portions on every meal. It's time for me to re-evaluate what I am doing. To sit down and put all the pieces back together in my mind. No more excuses.... no more excuses! Its time to get serious about this. I know that the majority of the work needs to be done in my head. So be prepared to learn a little bit more about me then you may be willing to read!

A PICTURE OF THE FOUR REASONS I NEED TO SUCCEED




I know that there where a couple of things that started me on this downfall. The first was the dread of returning to my gynecologist for my yearly exam. Thank God... everything came back fine. I know that the stress of not knowing whether I would be returning to the hospital for another tumor, cyst, cancer... made me want to eat everything I could put my hands on.

The second was the idea that I was no longer a stay home mom. I was feeling guilt for leaving my girls at night to go to work. That may sound silly to most, but one of my favorite things to do is to put my girls to bed.. and then waking up to them climbing into bed with me in the morning. My hubby called me one night and told me that our youngest had woken up in the middle of the night and was actually walking the dark house looking for me. It broke my heart. I am getting used to it, and the fact that in two weeks I will only be working two nights a week helps alot. I just have to make it a little longer.... and until then I will give my girls extra kisses every night, and cuddle a little longer every morning.

Now that I have come to terms with one... and I have a year until the next Dr. appointment... I am ready to continue with my journey.

Thanks again to all my BlogWorld friends... you guys are awesome.. and I would never be able to get through this battle without you.

Have a Blessed Day... Night... Week...

4 comments:

JOY said...

Sometimes I think we just need to take time out and have a look at where we are heading and why! You seem to have done this and know now what you want.

You have made a lot of changes in your life - it will obviously take re-adjustment.

You are doing great! How lucky you are to have such a wonderful loving family.

Fatinah said...

Tigerlilly - you're doing great! Can I ask - now that you're both working, is husband taking some time in the evening to tidy up, after the girls are in bed?
You're going through the biggest adjustment, and you'll find your groove. I'm so excited for you, because you seem to be loving your job so much. You know, your girls are not suffering - they are also just adjusting to change - which is really good for them, cause they will experience lots of it in their life. Your children are already so blessed to have such a caring mother.

Cory said...

If it the dieting has fallen by the wayside, you feel good about yourself. And that is incredibly important. You have a lovely family, a job you enjoy, and food on the table. You're very blessed. The rest will fall in place!

Maria said...

Wow! The above three comments were so good weren't they? They said everything I was thinking and wanted to say! I will move further on ahead to your latest posting now! :-) p.s. you're doing good.. keep going!