Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Joy of Family....

I'm talking about my family, of course! With all this crud happening with the in-laws my family has let me know that they are in my corner 100%. My sister and I talked on the phone...she even offered to fly down and kick their butts for me!! Thanks J... but I think if it comes to butt kicking, I'll be OK ;) (Aunt J... I love ya!)

So... are you dying to know how the Benefit Dinner and Dance went? Drum roll please......

We DOUBLED what we were trying to raise. Making over $6,000. The boys are going to Wyoming!!! They were so excited. We were all excited!

The dinner was delicious... and as everyone was sitting down to eat we had an auction set up. Almost EVERY business on the mountain donated something to auction off. Including 5 pieces of framed art, 3 horses, an 800 lb beef on the hoof, a bicycle, a saddle, tools, purses, decorations, kittens, puppies, dinners, oil changes, windshield repair..... everything you could imagine. The auction alone raised the 3,000 we needed.

Once the last of the items were auctioned off the band started playing, the tables and chairs were swept off to the side and the dancing started. The best looking couple on the floor??

Four years old and two stepping on the dance floor with the roughest cowboy she could find! We are in SO much trouble!
Hubby and I danced a little... although I was exhausted by the time I was done handling all the money for the auction... and then cleaning the kitchen because 'the family' left in a huff once all the dinners were served. I didn't mind though. I felt proud of myself for not letting them run me off like they were hoping they had done. There were no words exchanged... they ignored me like I thought they would. I would catch them glaring at me now and then... but who cares! I was having fun meeting new people!
I'm already feeling better!
Have a great weekend!

Friday, May 30, 2008

World War 3

I was upset yesterday... it carried on into the afternoon when I met up with 'the family' for a meeting on the benefit dinner and dance that we are putting on today. Usually I would turn the other cheek, keep my mouth shut and ignore things... but for some reason I could not do it anymore. My mouth opened and a waterfall of emotions came out with it. I told them how I felt and that I was fed up with the family acting this way.

It was the beginning of World War 3. This morning I woke up to hateful messages on my phone from my SIL ...."You don't know what you've done, you've messed with the wrong person."... yeah, not the phrase you want to wake up to . So for the first 3 hours of my morning I have been on the phone. First with mad SIL... that just made it worse, so when she hung up on me I just let it go. Then with Hubby who gave me the 'ol stick with your guns talk. Then with my mom who backed me up 100%. Then , finally, with my FIL's new wife. I had questioned where she stood on this family feud... and she made me feel much better. Apparently 'the family' has been doing the same thing to her. Of course they would, she is the new meat!! She and I compared stories.. and many of the things that 'the family' had told me were lies... the sad thing was the NMIL (new mother in law) had been told by my FIL before they were marred that I was the one that 'the family' left out of the loop all the time. Imagine that... its been common knowledge for years, yet no one has ever said or done anything about it. I guess it was my place to finally stand up for myself... and I did.

Today is going to be hell. We have the benefit dinner and dance to put on.. we will all be at the rodeo grounds at noon today. As much as I would love to stay home and away from those women, I am proud of what we have put together and am proud of those boys for making the National College Rodeo Finals in Wyoming. I am going to pray that they just give me the cold shoulder all day so that words don't have to be exchanged.

I will say that I woke up this morning wishing I had not said anything. I could have just quietly and slowly pushed myself away from them... but at the same time I wanted them all to know how terrible they have been.

NMIL has been wonderful. She has already spoken her mind to mad SIL and backed me up 100%... I think that in the end I will have made a true friend in all this mess.

Today's Plan:

Stay calm, stick to your guns and stay true to yourself, your girls and your husband.


On getting those boys to Wyoming!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

War and Peace


I had a breakdown last night. I have been trying to be a part of Hubbys family since day 1... and for 5 years I have been shot down, rejected, given the cold shoulder. It absolutely amazes me that a family with 2 daughter, 6 sons, 5 daughter in laws and 8 grand kids... they DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A FAMILY. I am the youngest of four kids. My brother and sisters were pretty much grown and out of the house when I came along, so you could say I was an only child. I know what a family should be like. You love them no matter what. My MIL has not seen our girls since Christmas, yet she drives by our house (literally....our house is 3 blocks off the main highway) to go visit Hubbys younger brother and his kids every other weekend. She has been to ONE of their birthdays..(I think it was Angels first b-day 4 years ago)... Yesterday Hubbys two sisters, one sister in law and her kids, my MIL and my father in laws NEW FRICKIN WIFE all got together yesterday to make some of the food for the dinner and dance tomorrow night. Did they call me? Nope.... and they call is a family event! Pffft

I AM DONE!!!!!

I am not going to try to be a part of this family any more. 5 years is enough. No more being nice to people who do nothing but hurt my family. If they want to see a cold shoulder, then I will give it to them. I love my family and my Hubby. Thankfully my family knows how to love and include my Hubby in everything.... AAAAAAAAAAARrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh..... I am so frustrated.

Why? You ask. There are a couple of reasons. First, hubby has always been the black sheep of the family. He was always in trouble and was a severe alcoholic in his 20's. He has been sober for 4 years now and has not even been pulled over for speeding. He has turned his life around and I am proud of him. As for me... my MIL loved Hubby's first wife... I don't make the cut. The rest of the family are just hateful conniving b*&^%$.

I am trying not to be like them.... but I really cant turn another cheek.

Ok, venting is over....

Yesterdays workout was a good one. I did my Plyometrics and it was a kick butt hour of jumping. Then I did my shoulder and arms weights... I was really worn out when I started, so it made for a hellacious hour. When I was done I felt good. I was drenched is sweat and proud that I got through both workouts.

Today's Plan:


water and food

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

One Year Ago...

One year ago I was getting ready for my FIL's wedding. I was making tons of tamales and praying that I would fit into my pants (A size 18). It was at the wedding that this picture was taken:

This is the picture that made me see how big I really was. For some reason I had thought that I was still as skinny and healthy as I was when I was 16! I saw this picture and didn't even recognize myself.
So it took me a year to lose twenty-some pounds... I know that I look better and feel better then I did back then! I am STILL going in the right direction and I don't plan on slowing down. It might take me 3 more years to reach my goal... that's OK... because at least I know that I am working towards a much happier me. There is no such thing as 'instant skinny'.
Last night I turned off the TV and went to my Tang Soo Do class. It was an hour and a half of hell. The warm up consisted of a lot of sit-ups and push-ups.... I wouldn't usually mind except that I was still sore from Monday nights grueling push-up workout. Then it was on to doing floor work. This means me laying on my back and a big man laying on top of me while I try to submit him in an arm bar, wrist manipulation, ankle bar or choke. It was one of those workouts where your not breathing hard but your sweating buckets. At the end of class my ponytail was dripping like a faucet. I managed to submit one of the biggest guys in class with only a couple of bruises to myself. I was really glad that I went.
Of course, when I got home I saw that part 2 of the Andromeda Strain was on at 10 .... I finally went to bed around midnight (the end was OK, but not as good as it could have been). The girls were up bright and early so I was too. Its going to make for a long day today.
Today's Plan:
Plyometrics ( I didn't get it done yesterday)
Shoulders & Arms
Food and Water

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I'm Baaaaa-aaaaaack!!!!

'FAT' can be like quicksand. Once you stray from the path of 'HEALTHY' it drags you in until soon it is almost impossible to get out. That is what this last week felt like to me. Everyday that I didn't work out made me feel like I was sinking deeper. Hubby was my lifesaver yesterday. He did his workout, ran on the treadmill and hit the heavy bag for awhile. (All this while I lay watching TV) When he was done he came up to me.... "OK, its your turn!" I think it had become obvious that I had lost motivation. Being sick did zap all my energy, but I think it was not working out that kept it from coming back.

Yesterdays work out consisted of 218 push-ups (2 sets of 6 different positions) , 76 pull-up (2 sets of 3 different grips) and 90 reps of back weights. 30 mins on the treadmill set on 'uphill' at 3.5 mph., 50 crunches and a good stretch.

I felt fantastic the entire time. This morning I feel ten times better. My stomach is back to normal and my energy has increased by double. I hopped on the scale out of curiosity and it is at 193... so not too much damage was done. I should be back to 191 by next Monday... maybe even a loss!!

This Friday night is a benefit dinner and dance at the local rodeo grounds. All the money goes towards those two boys who made it to the National College Rodeo Finals in Wyoming. My sister in law and myself are the only cooks.... I don't even know yet what my job will be. There will be live music and lots of dancing too.... I have to get a babysitter so that Hubby and I can both go and have a good time. (After I feed all those people!) I am really hoping that an old pair of 'dancing jeans' from the old days will fit. I want to look good out there!

Did anyone watch the first part of the Andromeda Strain last night?? It was frickin good... and just when I was all in to it.... 'To Be Continued'. I have to get Hubby to take my place in class tonight to I can watch it. How bad is that! LOL.... maybe I should go to class just for thinking that I would rather stay home and watch TV!!!!

Today's Plan:
Tang Soo Do

water and calories

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Its been a great weekend. Mom and I had a garage sale where we sold a good portion of what we had. The rest we are donating to Goodwill. I made close to $100... which was immediately spent on groceries. How sad is that. At least we have food now!

Its really hard to stay on a diet when you have very little money to feed 4 people for a week. Temptation leads me to the cheap boxed food, Mac 'N Cheese, Hot Dogs, Frozen Food and canned veggies. Luckily, today, the grocery store had some awesome sales that allowed me to buy lots of fresh veggies and fruit. I bought some red beans, brown rice and whole wheat pasta to act as fillers. The majority was spent on some frozen fish, sausage and red meat.

Today is Memorial Day. There isn't much going on in town so we are doing things around the house. Hubby put 3 layers of nests in the chicken coop. I cleaned them and put fresh hay in. Then he went and put some bunk beds in the girls' room. I am still extremely nervous watching them climb that ladder up and down. I just hope that when they fall (and we all know it will happen) it wont end in a broken limb.

I have not worked out for a week, excluding my TSD class on Thursday night. I am feeling a little bit lazy, but a little bit anxious to get my body moving again. I decided to get back into the program today. I am not going to count days.. because that just drives me wacko... but I will be keeping track on my calender as to what week I am in.

I have yet another motivation to add to my list. We have made the reservations and are headed to Disneyland again in October!! I am so excited. To add to that, we are taking the train!!! I would like to be down in the 170's by then ... I'll even settle for 179. I was at my highest in this picture at 215 lbs. I would love to get the same picture done this year to see the difference!

Today's Plan:

Chest & Back


Maybe a short run on the treadmill



Friday, May 23, 2008


I am slowly, very slowly, getting back to normal. Last night I went to my Tang Soo Do class where we worked on our weapons. Thank goodness, because that meant an easy night. Just moving my staff around exhausted me, and I found myself focusing on relaxing my stomach muscles so that I wouldn't shake so much. I made it through class and home. This morning I feel ok. Just ok. I cant believe I've been feeling icky for a whole week. Every time I think I am over it and start doing chores I get winded and then dizzy. Its been a whole week since I have done P90X... so I have quit counting the days and will start at day 1 next Monday. No use in stressing out over what I cant control.

It is the end of May and we are looking at snow. Just to give you and idea of how strange this is, the last time it snowed in this town , this late in May , was 100 years ago. I can honestly say that I am sick of this weather. It was 92 on Monday and 34 on Friday... I am just hoping that none of our corn crop freezes.

On top of it snowing outside, I now have 10 more baby chicks inside. I don't mind them too much. The little chirping is really quite relaxing. Its my girls that drive me crazy with them. I am constantly having to go in there and count them to make sure that one isn't lost in the black hole (a.k.a. my daughters room) or dead from over-petting.

Tonight is the Sheriff's Posse Benefit Roping. If this weather clears up we will be going. It is fun to watch all the cowboys... and will be even more fun to watch my Father In Law who has signed up to rope along side my brother in law....(who, as of lately, has been too drunk to stay in the saddle)

Today's Plan:




Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I lost 6 lbs over night....not in a good way.

Monday night I was sitting in my living room when all of a sudden a wave of nausea hit me. That was the beginning of the worst night of my life. I was sick all night. I couldn't even fall asleep to escape it... In the morning I hopped on the scale out of habit and saw 185. Yeah, not a good thing. I was dizzy and cramping up... totally dehydrated. I spent all day trying to drink as much as I could without losing it again. Every time I ate my stomach would cramp up.

I think I am over it now. I woke up this morning and only had a little bit of dizziness when I stood up. I am not looking forward to eating breakfast... that's a first!

I have to get healthy fast. I've got a full schedule:
  • Thursday night is my Tang Soo Do class
  • Friday night is the Benefit Roping the sheriff's posse is putting on.
  • Saturday is my garage sale!!

I don't know yet if I am going to do any working out today... maybe a yoga class if I am feeling better this afternoon... but I am not going to push myself. I haven't been able to eat a lot, so I know I will be really weak. Maybe just a stroll on the treadmill tonight.

Today's Plan:

Do what I feel I can do.



Monday, May 19, 2008

Day 45 P90X

We finally went on a vacation. Granted, it was only for one night but it was refreshing. We went to a nearby lake... nearby as in 5 hours in the car. I think it could have been done in 2, but first Hubby couldn't find the tackle shop/gas station that he wanted... then, after getting some hush-hush information on a great fishing/camping spot we went on a 2 hour trip on a dirt road that had hills and dips that scared the crap out of me (P.S.... the man said it was a 15 min drive! HA!). After finding the so called secret spot we turned around and headed back to the main road. The secret spot had campers and 3 boats docked there... not what I would call secret. I started to wonder if we weren't the only ones this guy liked to tell his secrets to.

On the way back to the campground we got behind a semi truck turning into the local gas station... it took me a while to read what it said on the back,but when I did I died laughing.


Once we found a good place to pop up the tent we grabbed the poles and headed fishing. The girls were excited to get out there. They did good for an hour.. then they started twitching... so we headed back to camp. We didn't catch anything... but it was fun!

At camp we ate some sandwiches and poptarts... at this point I realized that the girls had been overloaded on junk food all day and were about to hit maximum speed. Thankfully it was a short burst. Because of the high level of fire danger we were not allowed to have a campfire. Once the sun went down we decided to go ahead and lay down for the night. The girls were a little anxious and not really sure what we were supposed to be doing. Baby rolled around for a good hour before finally falling asleep. Angel had a hard time with all the noises. She would settle down and almost be asleep.... then pop up and say 'what was that noise?'. I think it was sheer exhaustion when she finally closed her eyes.

We made it home Saturday afternoon. Sunday I spent cleaning out closets... the garage sale is next weekend and I intend on selling everything I have not used or seen the past year!

I am giving myself a pass on weigh in today... I ate cruddy all weekend and did not do a whole lot of working out.. so its time to start fresh!

Lets rock this week!! I wanna look good in my tank tops!!

Today's Plan:

Core Synergistics

Legs & Back



Thursday, May 15, 2008

Day 41 P90X

I found this website yesterday. It has a lot of useful information on thinking positive, meditation, will power..etc. It also sells books and one of those books is "Slimming Starts In The Mind" by Dorina Sasson:

'Slimming Starts in the Mind' shows you how to:

Resist the desire to eat fattening foods, without having to struggle with your cravings.

Lose weight, without feeling that you are depriving yourself.

Build the right attitude for slimming.

Program your subconscious mind to help you slim.

Learn to use your imagination for slimming.

Take advantage of the power of affirmations to help you slim.

Use the power of visualization to shape your body.

Let your subconscious mind take care of the process of slimming.

Meditate to lose weight.

Overcome negative habits, attitudes and mental programming, and build positive ones instead.

Boost your self-confidence and self esteem.

Overcome your inner resistance and laziness to take the required steps to lose weight.

Strengthen your motivation to slim.

I think it sounds interesting.. and am thinking of buying it. (when I have the money, which could be next year sometime!) Have any of you read this? It sounds like everything I need help doing! I guess the mind should always be the first thing you work on when your trying to change everything else!

Today is cloudy and cold. I'm not sure what the weather is doing these days, but it sure is weird. We are planning a fishing/camping trip to a near by lake this weekend and they ( the city weatherman) claim it will be in the 100's. I'm not sure I believe that... but we'll see. As long as its not snowing I will be happy.

Today's Plan:




Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Day 40 P90X , Weekend Plans!

I had my Tang Soo Do class last night. No matter how I feel before class, I always feel fantastic afterwards... and believe me, sometimes I really have to force myself to go to class! I'm glad I went because our Master said a few things that really smacked me in the face. Before class he mentioned that only 20% of cancer is caused by something outside the body (like cigarettes) and something like 60% of cancer is caused by fat and unhealthy habits.(like not eating your 5 fruits and veggies a day, not exercising 30 min a day, etc) This stayed in my mind the entire class. When we lined up at the end of class to bow out he said a couple more wise words. Your body only does and feels what your mind says it does. If your thinking that your lazy, tired and sore... then your body is going to act that way. But, if your mind is thinking strong, active and healthy... then your body will reflect that.

Talk about a perfect motivator for me. I once suffered from depression, and I truly believe that positive thinking was my way off the medication and back to normal living. What made me start thinking positive?? My first born child, of course!

Today I am not letting any negative thoughts get in my way. I am going to be full of energy today. I am going to get through a great workout this morning. I am going to feel good and look good!!

Today's Plan:

Chest, Shoulders & Triceps, Ab Ripper X
walk, walk, walk


Water and food

SV= I peeked at the scale this morning out of curiosity and saw 190!! Could the 80's be right around the corner?? (think positive, think positive, think positive!!!)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Day 39 P90X, Babies and SNOW!!!

Yesterday my friend Jess had her third baby. Benjamin. I got to go to the hospital in the afternoon and hold him. He is beautiful... even though he cried the whole time I held him. Apparently I have lost 'the touch'... that or I was just lucky to have girls because boys don't like me!! Anyway, I felt the little twitches in my heart that were saying 'I wish I could have another baby'... Not having the choice is what really screws me up, because I know that had I not had my hysterectomy I would be doubling up on the protection and standing firm on my NO MORE BABIES choice. But when the choice is taken away, I think that is when you start playing mind games with yourself.

I write all of this while my girls are playing Sea Monsters and screaming at the top of their lungs!! I have been blessed with two....that was all I needed!!

I told Jess to hang onto his baby clothes for me so I could make her a baby quilt. I made this one when I knew that there would be no more babies. It still has a little sewing down to do.. but I love it. The green and white outfit with the hat was my favorite outfit on them.. so I showcased it! If you would like one of these (even if you only have one baby outfit left from those days) I am willing to make them for $150 each. Email me for more info!

My kids are suffering from cabin fever.. and its freaking May! The snow level dropped today to 6500 feet... Its COLD and cloudy...looks like another day of closet cleaning!

In other news, I have been asked to help put together a Benefit Roping on June 7th! Two local college students have made it to the National College Rodeo Finals in Wyoming... this is a HUGE deal. The problem is our local college are a bunch of flakes that dropped the ball and said that they would not fund the trip for the boys. So, we are putting together this roping where all the entry fees and money made will go straight to these boys. (They need to raise $3000 for the trip) I have so far managed to get a bicycle donated from Kmart to raffle off at the rodeo... I am making beans, hamburgers and hot dogs to sell at the food court there.. and we are also working with the boys parents (who are very good friends of ours) and hosting a dinner and dance at the rodeo ground on May 30th. I am really hoping that we raise enough money. If they win the finals they will get a full scholarship to the University... and a chance to get into the Pro-rodeo circuit. Chaulk (one of the boys) is a good boy and has worked hard to get here. He and his partner roper are the best in the West.. as far as colleges go. Any ideas that you all might have at raising money?? Share with me!!

Today's Plan:

Cardio X
Tang Soo Do class


Calories... I just stuffed myself on pancakes!! bleh!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Day 38 P90X..... WI DAY!!!

With the weekend I had I was expecting a gain. Saturday was spent at my Moms house where there were huge portions of enchiladas and cherry pie! Sunday wasn't too bad, but it still contained one GIANT ice cream sundae! So, with a heavy stomach I climbed on to the scale and almost fell off when I saw

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I am DOWN 2 pounds!!! This is an all time low for me over the past 5 years. I cant believe it. So to make sure that number stays down, I am hopping on the treadmill this morning and doing a run... 1 maybe 2 miles!! Oh yeah, I am feeling mo-ti-va-ted!!!!

I have pushed myself over the 'feeling sorry for myself' hump I was on Friday. I love my girls with all my heart, and I would do anything for them... so this is just something I wasn't expecting. We will take this one step at a time. I want to give a big THANK YOU and ((((HUGS))) to Jill, Hanlie, Fatinah, Robyn, Clair, Laura and Debby for leaving such wonderful comments. You girls really made me feel so much better. I also want to send a special ((HUG)) to D.E. .... you know why!

Ok, so on to today. I have a lot of things I want to get done.. .which is good because that means I will have no time to think about food. I am cleaning out the hall closet and making it into a pantry...(SIL and I are going to do a LOT of canning this fall)... I am moving the girls out of my closet and into their own... and Hubby's closet needs a good sorting through. In two weeks we will have a gigantic yard sale and make millions!! (one could hope!!)

Today's Plan:

Treadmill = 1-2 miles
Core Synergistics = 60 min


Food, water

Lets Go!

Friday, May 09, 2008

Day 35 P90X, Failed With Flying Colors...

There is a program in our town that helps children 2-5 years old with their speech problems. It is one of the rare programs that is free. The kids have to test into the program. My 4 year old is very hard to understand. She still does not form full sentences and the words she does say... well, usually only mommy and her all-knowing dictionary of 'Angel Words' can understand. So, we signed her up to take the test and see if she was eligible for the program.

At 9am this morning angel was taken into 5 different rooms in the building. Each room tested a different area. ie: adaptive, cognitive, motor, vision, hearing, personal/social and communication. Sister and I got to go along and watch (from a distance so as not to interfere...or sneak her the answers!). Her motor skills were fine... as I already knew from the constant ballet she dances in the kitchen! When it came to answering questions... well it went something like this:

Teacher: "Who made you breakfast this morning?"

Angel: mumbled something about Woodroe, our dog, and Snoopy.

Teacher: "What is your last name?"

Angel: "Two!!!"

I knew that she had a problem.. but I didn't realize it until it was right in front of me. Needless to say.. she failed the tests with flying colors. Which, in a weird and twisted way, is good because that means that she qualified for the program. They are going to send me a letter to let me know when the next testing is (what else could they be testing for??) and when the first class is. (sometime in August)

Is it normal to feel like a complete failure as a mother?? Baby Sister is nothing like Angel. She is going to be 3 next month and speaks in full sentences and already draws faces and dogs... (angel doesn't draw anything but lines right now)... so did I drop the ball with my first daughter and then bounce back in time for my second daughter?
She did pass the colors test... and I was super proud of her for that. We've been working on that for a while now. I know that this is going to be really good for her.. and I hope that it works wonders. I just wish she didn't need it in the first place.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Day 33 P90X

I felt cruddy all day yesterday. Food was great, water could have been better. I was going to do Cardio X when I remembered that Hubby and I had switched days again and last night was my turn to go to Tang Soo Do. It took everything I had not to curl up under the covers and go to sleep. I took a really long shower, then had to rush to get dressed and head out the door. Once I got there I realized that I was going to get my new belt! 2nd Green! That made it a little more exciting. At least for the first 5 minutes. Then it was on to our warm-up. Layers and layers of push-ups and sit-ups. My abs are sore today! Anyway, I made it through class. Learned a lot.. and when I got home I felt like I had been re-charged. re-motivated. re-lets-get-this-doned!

Today I have my daily chores , which requires me to be outside 50% of the day. Now that the weather is getting nicer (although they did say 'possible snow' yesterday, WTH??) I am enjoying being out there. The girls can run around a little more now, and that leads to early bed times.. so you cant beat that!!

Today's Plan:

Chest, Shoulders & Triceps - 60 min
Ab Ripper - 20 min


Water, Food

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Day 32 P90X, 100%

So far, so good! Tony kicked my butt into shape yet again. I will admit, I had a hard time getting the *umph* to get the kids busy, getting my workout clothes on and actually doing it... but I did it. I forgot how easy it really is getting it sounds like a pain in the butt... but its not! Sometimes I really let myself get lazy, huh!

It looks like another beautiful day outside. Thank goodness. I dont think I can take another cold day.. its MAY for goodness sake.

Hubby is thinking of building a greenhouse. I like the idea.. but I am going to have to look into how to keep one going. Does anyone have one?

Today's Plan:

Cardio X


Water and Food

NATUI had a heartfelt blog yesterday...and I new exactly what she was going through.

It is tiresome having to decide that today is going to be a good day. Every. Single. Day.

State of mind is state of being. I get it. My kids don't know that we are living paycheck to paycheck. As far as they are concerned they have a great backyard to play in. They get cool sandwiches to eat for dinner. They get to see other kids at the playground. Except for mom telling them Share! and Quit hitting your brother/sister life is FUN FUN FUN.

I know the life I create for them is the one they will remember. Not the one we actually have.

Not that the one we have is bad. It is just under a lot of construction right now

Monday, May 05, 2008

Day 31 P90X... Starting over

You are seeing it right... yesterday was day 46... today it is day 31. I have missed too many workouts to honestly feel like I have been doing the P90X workout right. So, I have decided to start this month over again. Today is the first day of a whole new month (for me) and I am going to work hard to make sure that it is completed. Every workout, every day. No more excuses.

In other news, I am sunburned... All day Saturday and Sunday Hubby and I built fence. We completely enclosed an acre in the front yard so that the girls can go out there and play and I don't have to worry about cars speeding up the driveway, or them venturing into the unknown. Their sandbox is out there, along with the chicken coop (that is 75% finished but the chicks LOVE it) and we will be putting their swing set up their too. Today I am going to surprise hubby by building a little brick patio for his grill. I will take pics of it as soon as it is all done! Also the far corner has our corn crop.. so hopefully that will bring us plenty of corn this year!!

Today's Plan:

core synergistics - 60 min
run- 1 mile


Water.. I did not drink enough this weekend and am feeling a little prunish! LOL


Calories were awesome all weekend. Mostly because my mind was busy focusing on the yard that I did not get the chance to think about food. It was also nice getting the chance to eat outside in the sun! Hopefully today will be a nice day too!


Saturday, May 03, 2008

Day 45 P90X

I am doing much better. Calories are back under control... although I am still fighting the urge to splurge. I did my workout yesterday morning and then went to my SIL's birthday party at one of the local bars. I didn't do as much dancing as I should have, but I spent 2.5 hours on the pool table. Yes, ladies, I can kick some butt on the pool tables! Men were putting quarters down just to see if they could knock me off the table...

Funny story... while sitting at the bar my friend looks behind me and yells "Holy @%!@# there's a horse in the window!!!" I looked at her like you would look at any girl who has had to many drinks and is yelling obscene things. Everyone laughed, and while they did I turned and looked over at the window.. and sure enough there was a horse in the window peering in with a longing in his eye to join the party! I laughed so hard I was crying. Only in a small mountain town would you find a horse at the bar!! I think someone had actually rode him in to town!!! That's one way to fight the cost of gas! LOL

Here are some pics from last night: I look drunk in every picture, but I swear I drank water all night!!

My Sister In Law... Happy 35th!!

My friend Niki... (where did you go??)

Today's Plan:

Chest, Shoulders & Triceps, Ab Ripper X


Water and Food

Its a beautiful day today.. so I'm hoping to get some work done in the yard. We have a lot of new fence that needs to go up... I see myself with shovel in hand in the near future!!

Friday, May 02, 2008

Day 44 P90X, WANTED: Motivation

I am getting lazy. My morning workout has fizzled to nothing, my food is fast and easy to make = not healthy food. I am eating WAY too much bread and cheese (which is not good for my belly since I am lactose intolerent). I am bloated and feel terrible. Thanks to Hanlie I have found a fantastic motivational speaker by the name of Craig Harper...and in one of his post (titled 'Eight Steps to Getting Out Of That Rut') he writes this:

Sometimes life feels like quicksand - unpleasant, messy, exhausting and like you're about to sink at any moment. And all too often it seems like one of those baggage carousels at the airport where you feel like you're getting somewhere for a moment, only to end up in the exact same place on a regular basis. Again and again and again. Groundhog day. If only someone would throw you a rope for the quicksand situation or come and collect you from the carousel.

Well, more than likely nobody's gonna show, so you may have to do something about it yourself.

1. Stop waiting to be rescued from your situation. Others might help, encourage, support and even cheer you on (all good things) - but ultimately the only person who can genuinely change your life is you. So stop looking in the wrong place. It's not about finding the right book, program or guru, it's about finding some courage and self control. Deep down, most of us know exactly what we need to do, the only problem is... it freaks us out! Take control of your life today; your relationships, your body, your finances, your career and your attitude. Control what you can and don't waste energy on what you can't. Hate to tell you but the Dude with the red boots and the 'S' on his chest; not real. He ain't gonna show. You'll have to rescue yourself.

2. Consciously achieve at least one Personal Growth goal per day. Do something every day (yep, every single day) that you should do but probably wouldn't have done, had you not read this article or made a new commitment. It might be something huge like going to A.A. for the first time, it might be something like healing a damaged relationship or it could be something simple (but significant nonetheless) like going for a twenty minute walk or reducing your chocolate intake by half. As you tick those boxes day after day, your thinking will change, your motivation will increase, you'll become more productive and proactive, and pretty soon you'll be living in a different place. But make sure you do it every day, not just when it's convenient!

3. Stop hoping for a solution and start creating one. They say that a person without hope is lost. Well, I gotta tell you that hope by itself ain't gonna getcha there. Wherever there is. "Let's hope for the best and see what happens" - nice sentiment and all, but not a very helpful or practical strategy for a better life. Useless in fact. The let's-keep-our-fingers-crossed mentality doesn't usually (okay, ever) result in positive long-term change. A better future ain't about luck, destiny, fate and it definitely ain't about hoping that success will find you or that things will work themselves out (one of my least fave cop-outs). Things don't work themselves out; we work them out.

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get some perspective. Easier said than done, but very possible. The truth is that all too often we make our life harder than it needs to be. Of course life is one lesson after another, but that's the best part isn't it? That's where we grow, learn, adapt, get strong and become more effective. Or... get a little deeper in our rut. Sometimes we need to step outside of our reality (problems, challenges, environment) to understand and appreciate what we really have and how tough our life isn't. A few years back I went to South Africa with a friend of mine who works for a charity. For two weeks we worked with children infected with the A.I.D.S. virus. When I returned home my problems didn't really seem like problems. At all. I was the only problem I had. The only thing that really needed to change was me. It wasn't about my life, it was about me in it.

5. Change your attitude. Yes an obvious statement I know, but the attitude we take into every situation, circumstance and conversation LARGELY determines the results we create in our life; good attitude - good (or better) outcomes, bad attitude - bad (or worse) outcomes. Don't believe me? Hang out with someone with a bad attitude for a while and tell me what you discover. It seems that I'm one of the few who espouses the 'attitude is a choice' school of thought. Contrary to popular opinion (of some), I believe that the vast majority of us can make today, or any day, good or bad, positive or negative - by choice. Of course we'll have better and worse days, a few hurdles, problems and unforeseen speed humps (we call that life), but let's create the best outcomes possible despite what happens to us, or around us. I spoke to a woman recently who has transformed her life over the last six months. I asked her what made the difference and she told me "I got to a point where I was honestly sick at the sound of my own negativity, complaining and excuses. It was like one day I woke up, realised what I was like and I didn't enjoy what I saw, so I changed. Sounds unbelievable but it's true." And I can tell you; it is true. She is a different person - because she made that decision.

6. Get involved in a project other than yourself! The more self-absorbed we are, the unhappier we'll be and the longer we'll stay in our rut. Ironically, sometimes the answer to overcoming some of our issues is to not focus on (obsess about) our issues. Weird huh? When we become more focused on giving (rather than getting) amazing things happen. We often find a new sense of purpose, we feel needed, wanted and appreciated and we start to shift from a negative to a positive mindset. From selfish to selfless. Nearly every Christmas day I work with the homeless, serving them lunch and it is honestly the best Christmas present I could get.

7. Get in shape. Of course the Exercise Scientist is gonna say that. Well, the research (and observation) does tell us that if you're out of shape physically, there's a high likelihood you'll be out of shape emotionally and/or psychologically (in a rut). Of course we are much more than a mere body, but it's no small coincidence that both obesity and depression are both reaching epidemic proportions at about the same time. And no, the obesity is not (necessarily) causal (the sole reason for the depression), but there is definitely a significant relationship.

8. Find an Accountability Partner. If you're serious about this, then it's often a good idea to use a coach, mentor, friend (etc.) to kick your butt, encourage you, provide feedback, keep you accountable to your commitment and to periodically stop you from sulking and losing the plot.

I need to get my day started bloggers... with a really good workout!

Today's Plan:

Core Synergistics


Food and water...

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Day 43 P90X

Sorry for the late post, but I was trying to catch up on a bunch of cleaning this morning... and if I had stopped I would have never gotten it done!

I have learned that writing down what I eat does not do me any good. It didn't seem to phase me that I had already written down 15 things before dinner. So this morning I hopped on Sparkpeople and planned out my meals for today. I totalled, including snacks, 1099 calories today. I know, that is not enough.. I will eat a power bar (220 cal) and maybe wait and see if I want to add some toast to dinner tonight (pot roast with potato and carrots). I think I will be fine.

Today's plan:

Core Synergistics
1 mile run


Stick to my planned meals for the day!