Day 150 : 195.5

I think I've been looking at this the wrong way.

I've been feeling deprived because I cant eat the food I want. I crave doughnuts and chocolate, sweet chocolate. I want to eat ALL the bread, and in one sitting too! I want to feel like I can eat what I want when I want it.

I've been feeling exhausted because I HAVE to work out or I dont lose the weight. I beat myself up when all I want to do is lay in bed reading my book and sleeping. I am tired of drinking bottle after bottle of water. I HATE water. I hate all of this. Why cant people accept me as I am.. fat.

No, I have not fallen off the deep end! I just wanted you to know what goes thru my head at different times of the day. It's whats in our head that tells whether we are going to succeed or not. If the way you think about food and exorcise does not change, then neither will your body.

This weekend I had a change of mind... one that I desperatley needed.

Saturday we drove 3 hours down to the city. We left at 7am and was there by 10am. We met Hubbys entire family at his brothers house. We then caravaned over to the softball fields where we played a very competitive game against Hubbys half brothers and sisters. At first I was dreading this. I had not played softball in 5 years and I did not feel like making a fool of myself in front of everybody. The weather was warming up, the kids were having fun and it was too late to get out of it. Our team was first up to bat. Hubby was first and slammed it out of the park giving our team a home run. I was second. I strolled out there with one word going thru my mind. 'crap,crap,crap,crap' I HIT the ball!!! Into right field... and made it to second base. I was ecstatic!! From there on it was a blast. I ran fast, hit great and wasnt too bad at playing 2nd base! The final score 22-2 ... oh yeah, we kicked butt!! I cant wait until next year when we have a re-match! The point is, I was really comfortable in my body that day. I noticed how my body was reacting faster, my legs were strong.. and I wasn't out of breath after running to each base! Why would I want to gain the weight back and be a lazy, hard breathing, sweaty lady that cant get her ass off the couch to play a game? I'm liking this new body.. and its only going to get better!

We drove home that afternoon. Sunday I woke up with the worst case of stiff legs I've ever had. It almost felt like I had pulled my groin muscles. Hubby has the same soreness and we are guessing its from running in short bursts while playing.. and not stretching before or after. That was dumb on my part.

I decided Sunday that I was going to try this whole juicing thing. I started the day with the cleansing drink of warm water, lemon and cayenne pepper. I will say that it was kinda hard to put down. Bleh... this morning was a little easier.. but still not easy. I tried all kinds of mixtures all day long. Some were delicious, others not so good. Hubby even ate an apple and an orange for the first time in years... he said the house smelt so good that it was making him crave it. Ha!

Today I am feeling fantastic, I am down 2 lbs from last week and my energy levels are thru the roof! I am also taking my vitamins... so my body is getting replenished with fresh fruit, vegetables and vitamins! I am drinking water along with all the juice and it is actually tasting pretty good.

I ran this morning for 25 minutes...after doing a full lower body weight lifting regemin. I have belly dancing tonight too...

So... after this weekend my mind seems to have made a 180. I am looking at food as energy. I see working out as a way of ridding my body of waste and toxins. Water is refreshing.

I am going to continue this juicing feast for 30 days... when I'm done I will continue on a raw food diet.

Its time for me to see how all of you are doing.