One of the hardest things for me to deal with is body image. I am constantly asking Hubby if I look better now then I did at 220 lbs. He, of course, looks at me like I'm crazy and goes on to tell me all the changes he sees in me. It is always wonderful to hear it... but why cant I see it? I do see it in my before/after pics.. that's a given... but why cant I see it every day? Have I forgotten what I looked like in the mirror when I was that big? Have I forgotten the way I trembled at the thought of putting on a pair of jeans? How I wore maternity shirts in order to hide the huge muffin top I had.
Its funny though. Because at 220 lbs I thought I looked GOOD! I didn't think I was all that big. I was just a 'little' heavy.
WOW... does my mind like to play tricks on me!! I think I'm skinny when I'm fat and fat when I'm skinny. Good grief, no wonder I have an eating disorder.
How do I fix this.... well.... I'm not sure. What I will continue to do is ask Hubby how good I look all the time. (who doesn't want to hear that everyday?) and continue to focus on being healthy. I am not looking to have the perfect body. So what if I have a bump here and a stretch mark there... I should feel beautiful and comfortable in my body... and a healthy body it will be!
I am going to get a little strict with myself today. I am going to make myself write down everything I eat. I know, I should be doing that already... but I hate the thought of being tied down to a pen and paper every time I eat something. Of course, in my freedom to bite and not write I have come down with a case of selective memory. I only remember what I want to remember. "I had a banana for breakfast (and half of daughters waffle, milk and toast), salad for lunch (with a tortilla and two lollipops) and fish for dinner (with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before bed)"
Yeah... I need to get a little strict with myself!
Today's plan is to run. I didn't do any exercise yesterday and am feeling a little bit lazy , so its time to get sweaty! I also have karate class again tonight since Hubby's back is still not 100%.