Thursday, July 17, 2008

Body Image

One of the hardest things for me to deal with is body image. I am constantly asking Hubby if I look better now then I did at 220 lbs. He, of course, looks at me like I'm crazy and goes on to tell me all the changes he sees in me. It is always wonderful to hear it... but why cant I see it? I do see it in my before/after pics.. that's a given... but why cant I see it every day? Have I forgotten what I looked like in the mirror when I was that big? Have I forgotten the way I trembled at the thought of putting on a pair of jeans? How I wore maternity shirts in order to hide the huge muffin top I had.

Its funny though. Because at 220 lbs I thought I looked GOOD! I didn't think I was all that big. I was just a 'little' heavy.

WOW... does my mind like to play tricks on me!! I think I'm skinny when I'm fat and fat when I'm skinny. Good grief, no wonder I have an eating disorder.

How do I fix this.... well.... I'm not sure. What I will continue to do is ask Hubby how good I look all the time. (who doesn't want to hear that everyday?) and continue to focus on being healthy. I am not looking to have the perfect body. So what if I have a bump here and a stretch mark there... I should feel beautiful and comfortable in my body... and a healthy body it will be!

I am going to get a little strict with myself today. I am going to make myself write down everything I eat. I know, I should be doing that already... but I hate the thought of being tied down to a pen and paper every time I eat something. Of course, in my freedom to bite and not write I have come down with a case of selective memory. I only remember what I want to remember. "I had a banana for breakfast (and half of daughters waffle, milk and toast), salad for lunch (with a tortilla and two lollipops) and fish for dinner (with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before bed)"

Yeah... I need to get a little strict with myself!

Today's plan is to run. I didn't do any exercise yesterday and am feeling a little bit lazy , so its time to get sweaty! I also have karate class again tonight since Hubby's back is still not 100%.


dancer-in-me said...

I hate writing it out too, but it really does help. You get to see the full picture and it does keep you in line more. Do I think we will have to do it for the rest of our life? No. I think once we reach goal and have maintained for sometime where we are able to automatically know how much to eat at a time we won't have to keep as good of a track to what we put in our mouth.

I just need it now in the moment as a tool to help me lose the weight. Think of it as your treadmill, scale or measuring cup. It is just a tool to help you stay in line.

We can do this! I am just going to beat you to 189!! ha! ha!

groovybabe said...

it is so easy to not see the changes because we get used to seeing ourselves but we do have to remember how far we have come. youre doing great, esp with exercise so just keep it up and you will soon be comfortable in your body...

CaRoLyN said...

Sometimes it just hits you like a lightbulb. I think it's because you kind of "forget" what you used to look like, what you used to feel like. Sometimes though it just hits me. I remember even after I lost 50 lbs, I still didn't see a huge difference. It came when I was shopping at Suzy Shier one day and I bought my frist size 9 pants and I almost cried. I finally looked in the mirror and thought....where did all that weight go?
Pictures are also great at showing progress! You look fantastic and just remember that everytime you look in the mirror! (Of course getting compliments from hubby doesn't hurt either!)

Anonymous said...

Awe hun, you look marvelous! I wish you could see what we see *hugs*

I too have issues with selective memory when I don't write down every single bite. But I've committed to getting better at it!

Happy belated anniversary! I've never seen a happier or blessed family! :)


debby said...

Hey TL, When I started W.W. I said no way I would write everything down. Now I can't stop. But you know I quit w.w. so I just wanted to tell you something that's worked for me. YOu know those memo pads (long and skinny with a magnet on the back) that you can put on your frig. door. Well, I had several of those that people gave me...they work great to keep track of what you eat. what I like now is I can write down what I think I want to eat, and if it doesn't all fit, I can adjust what I eat during the day so it will all fit in.

Try it. I don't even hardly think about it now. And of course I have a million abbreviations for all my favorite foods.

debby said...

Hi again Tigerlily. I just watched this videoblog entry over at roni's (I think you know her--greenlitebites, etc.) and I thought of you. It seemed very encouraging, and if you hadn't already watched it, thought I would mention it to you. HEre is the link:–-session-2.html#more-563

Mark Salinas said...

The physical part of my journey is the obvious but I always have to continue to work on my mental and emotional aspects. Keep at it! :)

Robyn said...

The body image part of your post reminds me of something I've been thinking about lately. It's how I've always said that a long time ago, before I put on 50+ pounds, I never thought I looked good enough. I always looked at pictures of myself and thought, "I wish I could slap myself back then for thinking I was too heavy!" because I thought, "I'd give ANYTHING to be that size again!" that I almost really AM that size again, I sometimes feel the urge to dog on myself like I used to. I try to stop myself, though, and say, "Robyn....don't you remember that you said you'd give anything to be this size???????" For some strange reason, though, I tend to feel like I'll never look as good as I wish I could. BUT...I am definitely 200 times happier with myself now than I was before I began losing the weight! So, mission: accomplished, if you ask me! So what if my stupid brain wants to think bad thoughts about me sometimes?! I'll just have to remind it that it's stupid, and to think about something else! Haha!

About the writing the food down: Just do it. I know it sucks, but just do it anyway. I do it a lot like Debbie mentioned - with the magnetic thing on the fridge, and lots of abbreviations. You'll get used to doing it soon enough...and I really think it does help with keeping up with what you've had. I know it's easy to think, though, "if it's not written on here, it didn't happen." I often conveniently "forget" to write down how many spoonfuls of peanut butter I had on any given day. That's just been lately, though. I vow to fix that, though, and include them in my list of food for the day next time! You, too, okay??!

zandria said...

It's pretty crazy how we don't think about the way we look when we're too heavy, but once we start to lose weight it becomes an obsession. Those are totally normal feelings, although I can't explain them!