Step by Step

If you look at my blog over the past two years you will find a pattern. Monday morning I am strong willed and head strong, ready to kick myself into shape. Wednesdays I find myself winding down. By Friday I am having trouble with my food and my exercise routines is lacking. The weekends are filled with lazy days and bad food choices... and Monday morning I am guilt ridden and ready to start all over again. Determined that this week will be the perfect week.

This pattern can drive a person crazy... but at the same time, it is this pattern that has kept me somewhat on track.

In my head I feel like I could whip myself into shape in a month. Eat nothing but healthy food, workout 3 hours a day, lose 50 lbs and be the perfect size 9.

In my head that is what I am doing. In real life, I am battling with my food disorder, I am a mother of two very active toddlers who don't give me time to do all the workouts I want to, and I am the perfect size 14. It is sometimes heart breaking when I think back at how long it has taken me to come this far. I am standing at the bottom of a staircase, and it has taken me a year to take the first step up.

So, the second step is looming in the future somewhere. Between here and there is a maze of food choices, workouts, water hazards and life.

Tomorrow is Monday... another fresh start. Depending on my choices, this week could bring me another inch, or another foot, closer to that second step. I would prefer the later of the two.. but then, that would be up to me now... wouldn't it.