Thursday, July 24, 2008

Day 10,950??

It is actually Day 3 for me but I've been thinking a lot about what I've been doing. My problem with food addiction and binge eating. My constant thrive to work out harder every day. It is all part of who I am. I will NEVER get over my food addiction. It is something I *may* get control over, but I will always have to watch what I eat and how much.

I will never be that skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants and never gain weight. I will never be able to just stop.....well, not until I die anyway. This is my life. This is something I will have to live with the rest of my life.

It seems a little overwhelming to think of doing this for the next 30+ years. I hope that when I get to goal I will be a little more motivated to stay there... but for now I have to concentrate on today.

I have done great so far. I won't deny myself that. I just have to keep going now. They don't say 'Lifestyle Change' for nothing!


Last nights class was great. We worked on our bow forms. I am very sore on my hips and waist from hitting the bow against them. I had a long drive home afterwards in the pouring rain. It gave me a chance to wind down a little before getting home though. Usually I get home and everyone is in bed asleep and I have to tip toe around until I finally relax enough to lay down.

They announced that our next testing will be in 2 weeks. I will be going for my brown belt... I am a little nervous because there is so much for me to remember at testing time. At least I have these extra classes now!

This morning I have a 2 mile run. I am also supposed to do my shoulders and arms weight lifting but am thinking I will switch it up a little and do a Samurai Sword workout. (aka Forza) Its a killer on the arms, shoulders and back! Hubby has class tonight, so I will hop on the treadmill while he is gone and get in another 1 or 2 miles.

My goal is to get water logged today! I SO need to be drinking more water!!!


Kate said...

I think you just had one of those "ah ha" moments. Your right, for all of us, this is a lifelong journey, we didn't get hear because we didn't eat enough. I know myself I definately have control over alot of my eating issues, but it's still a conscious effort on my part to make good choices everyday. And heck we all stumble once in awhile!

FatMom said...

Ah, yes...just like an alcoholic who has been "sober" for 20 years, so will I (and maybe you?), always be a "recovering" food addict. It's something to be battled every day. Some days I win, some days I lose, and some days, it's a draw. But I keep plugging forward. I know you will, too. Cool job on the workout! You're one cool chick!

CaRoLyN said...

It IS a lifelong battel isn't it? How I would LOVE to be one of those "I can't eat what I want and not gain an ounce" girls but at least we have the satisfaction of knowing that when it comes down to it, if you were running away from a starved grizzly bear that is about to eat you and you and one of these "Skinny bitches" had to run for your life, You'd leave her in the dust because you are in MUCH better shape and way healthier!! (weird analagy I know)

BRown belt! YIPPEE!!

groovybabe said...

yeah, i mean when i lost my weight i thought my binge eating was behind me but when problems arose in my life it came back, snuck up on me without my realising it. i now realise its Always going to be there and i have to learn to keep it in control, like an anorexic or bulimic, or alcoholic or drug addict i guess... not easy but we have to do it for our own well being...

Robyn said...

I would have totally told you that I felt the same way several months ago. Today, though - - I feel like food just isn't worth it anymore. I wonder if I'll ever go back to the old mindset - - you know the one where you constantly think about food, and plan what you will eat, and look forward to eating and everything? I hope not. Somehow or another, I've managed to pull out of that addiction I had - and I hope that it is not a temporary kind of thing. Sometimes I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow and just "not care" anymore like I used to. All I know is today. Today, it did not matter to me what I had for lunch or dinner - - eating just isn't a big deal anymore, and I just try to think of it like this: I have to eat to keep my body going. I do not eat for "shits 'n giggles" anymore. Sure, I enjoy eating - - but I guess I'm just a lot more nonchalant about it now.
I honestly think you'll get to that point one of these days. Just don't give up. The day that your willpower takes over and convinces your brain to quit focusing so much on wanting to eat IS, indeed, ahead of you. Give it some time. Don't let it get you down and keep you down.

Oh...and Carolyn is totally right - the "skinny bitch" would be hitching a piggy-back ride from you as you outrun the bear - - right before you turn around and pull some kung-fu moves on his big hairy butt! You are in awesome shape, and I can only hope that one day I'll be as passionate about staying fit as you are! One thing at a time, I tell ya. One thing at a time. :)