Day 1

I have been in a never ending loop for the past 8 months. I lose 5 lbs, I gain 5 lbs, and I have told myself the same thing every time. "Dig deep and just do it". Well, I have lost my *umph*. My get up and go. I have become discouraged.

I KNOW that its possible... I KNOW that I can do it... but my head has taken over every time. I binge eat and it crosses out the hard workouts that I put myself through. It is really a vicious cycle.

Yesterday I did not exercise. Why? Because I ate too many carbs and felt like : "why bother? I'm just going to end up eating MORE later?"

This is not me. This is not the person I want to be. I want to be the strong, athletic type. I could care less if I get down to 145... I would be thrilled with 175. I am a very strong girl, physically. I can lift heavier weights then most women. I don't want to be a body builder, but I do want to have awesome arms! I want to fight in the MMA... I want to be able to run without stopping.

I WANT THIS.... so why do I sabotage myself every time I get close?

There is something in my head that does not want me to succeed. I have tried to figure out what it is.. but I cant think of anything. Am I afraid I might not like what I see? Will I never be good enough?

How did I lose the first 25 lbs? It absolutely amazes me when I think about it. What was I doing different?

Its time to go back in time:

Day 108: 193.5 (December 31, 2007)

YAHOOOOO! That is a total weight loss of 3.5 lbs this week. This brings my total weight loss in 2007 to 21.5 lbs!! Not too shabby. I think I have figured out my portion sizes.. and that seems to be making the big difference! Also, my wogging has become , do I dare say it, FUN. Yes, I am loving my morning woggs and because of this new found joy I wogg every morning. I may not do 3 miles every day, but 1 mile here and there makes my days so much better.

This is the last time I saw a REAL loss... One that did not involve losing the same 5 lbs over and over.

Food has been good. My portions are staying small even though I have gotten over my flu. I really think that is what was making the difference in my weight loss.

This is one of the answers... smaller portions. I have been eating HUGE. I think what I have become used to thinking is 'normal' is really 'supersized'. So.. that is one thing I will start working on again.

The other thing I noticed was that I was running a LOT. 7-10 miles a week. So, back to the treadmill. I need to get in at least 1 mile a day....

Thank God for blogging. I really gained a lot more motivation and knowledge. The best part is, I know that what I read works for me! Because it was me!

So, I am on schedule for a morning run today. Smaller portions and lots of water. I'm ready....