While doing my 40 min Wogg this morning I was thinking about my 'skinny' jeans and wandering if I have gotten any closer to getting them zipped up. Then I thought 'If I could just get those on, I would be happy with my size'... in other words I was thinking once I got those jeans on I could quit doing all this working out and eating healthy crap. HA! First of all, I don't want to stop at my 'skinny jeans' size. I want to get down to 145 lbs where I should be. Second, what makes me think that when I get to a size I am happy with that I can just stop. Then I remembered Laura's blog yesterday:
I wrote the other day about there not being many books available for weight loss maintainers. Maybe that's because maintenance is a bitch. A bitch that isn't easily tamed and apparently is as ugly and frightening as the one Sigourney Weaver battles in Alien.
Only this one doesn't have a big Hollywood ending. This is going to be an endless battle. There is no finish line. There is never going to be a day when I can say "Okay, that's it, I'm all done and I don't have to do this anymore" (well, okay, the day I die I can say that, but you know, that's a long way off, God willing).
This idea of "it's never going to end" isn't new news, I realize that. It's just a small little epiphany in a likely endless road of epiphanies that will add up to be my life.
And The New Me says, "Most of all I want to be a weight loss success, for now and for good."
That epiphany hit me right in the face this morning... and in order to keep myself from falling over in shear panic was this: How terrible is my life right now? I feel strong... I look strong. I enjoy my time on the treadmill, and I LOVE the feeling I get when I finish the goal I had set that day. Everyday I notice something great about my body.. whether I can run with my girls and not get winded, or that shirt in the back of my closet now fits perfectly. As for food, well, I no longer get that nauseated feeling when I eat too much crap. My bowls are working as they should... my grocery bill has gone down considerably since I am no longer loading the basket with tons of cookies, cakes, doughnuts and ice cream. My girls are eating healthier which means that hopefully they will never have to battle this disease.
So... why am I in such a rush to stop living like this? Because there is a lady inside my head that wants to lay in bed all day eating ice cream and watching TV. Because I am still fighting my body everyday to get up out of bed and put my running shoes on. Because I still crave a doughnut in the morning and cake at night.
So... How do I keep from becoming that lady again?? I get up, I run, I buy healthy food at the store and I look at myself in the mirror and say 'its worth it!'...